Migoz2
Senator
Call it poetic licence*.This is news to me!
*Go away wobbly red spellcheck line - 'licence' is correct!
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The Trial of Barbaria1
- Thread starter Barbaria1
- Start date
*Go away wobbly red spellcheck line - 'licence' is correct!
M
montycrusto
Guest
I’ll have you know, my limericks rhyme perfectly unless they’re designed not to!
Doragon
Tribune
Absolutely outrageous demands. She must be infected with that put-in virus, you know, the virus that can only be stopped by puttin sumthin into her?
Migoz2
Senator
In which case it's assonance ( Educating Rita : "[assonance] means getting the rhyme wrong" )I’ll have you know, my limericks rhyme perfectly unless they’re designed not to!
Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
Just blame it to that third glass of Riesling, Barb drunk!
10.
“Ahem, attention please,” declares @RacingRodent , clearing his throat and flicking his tail in the way that squirrels often do when they have something important to say, which isn’t often, “I’ve completed, in consultation with Barbaria1, the writing of the contract absolving her of all guilt in the matter of the Great CruxForums Site Crash of the Summer of 2013.”
“Well, let’s hear it,” demands @Wragg , impatiently. “I don’t like the looks of all those trigger-happy Barbaria clones wielding supersonic demerit launchers!”
“Yes, please read!” cries, @montycrusto
“Do so indeed,” rhymes @twonines .
“Does it contain any random pictures or summer boating pics?” wonders @Gibbs505 .
“Or, obscene displays?” adds @Apostate hopefully.
“No, just words,” replied RR crossly. “It’s intended to be a legal document, not a CF pic posting thread.”
“Quite right. Get on with reading it!” orders @old slave anxiously, as another clone accidentally releases a supersonic demerit, which luckily streaks harmlessly overhead, although the strange howling sound it makes is totally unnerving, not to mention what it did to the bell tower of the town hall.
“Alright, listen up everyone,” says, RR, adjusting his eyeglasses and beginning to read. “We, the undersigned, do solemnly agree to the terms set forth by Barbaria1, henceforth to be referred to on the CruxForums site as ‘Her most exalted, most powerful and omniscient, Queen Barbaria1’, the principal agreement being that her innocence with regard to causing the Great CruxForums crash of the Summer of 2013 shall never ever ever ever be questioned again as long as the site may live. Moreover, the Queen shall be supplied, at no cost to her, with an unlimited supply of high quality Riesling, which shall become the official CruxForums drink, replacing all beers, ales and Seagrams. Further. Twonines and Montycrusto shall be forever forbidden to rhyme or to make fun of the gloriously wonderful works of Gilbert and Sullivan. In addition, CruxForums will undertake the project of building a mail-order-bride-proof wall around the red state of Arkansas and make Arkansas pay for it, the payment part to be faithfully overseen by the legal genius, @thehangingtree . Additionally, @Harsh Martinet shall be forbidden to post anything on the site pertaining to riding horses, as cruelty to animals as well as the shielding of Cruxgirls’s sensitivities ‘down there’ are now officially banned. And finally, it is solemnly agreed that hideous women’s footwear of all kinds shall be forever banned from adorning the female subjects of all artwork posted on the site.”
“Is that the lot of it?” questions @Loxuru .
“Except for the small print,” responds RR.
“No need to bother reading that now,” adds @Heineudo all to quickly.
“Agreed,” declares @Jollyrei . “That’s for the legal department to go over after we sign.”
“Okay, line up everyone, let’s sign the thing and get this over with,” advises @bobinder .
“About time! And bring me some clothes!” snorts Barbaria, displaying a condescending look on her face.
“I fear this Queen business is going to her head already and will make her insufferable from now on,” observes @phlebas drily.
“Isn’t she that already?” quips @Loinclothslave .
“I heard that!” she snarls.
TBC
“Ahem, attention please,” declares @RacingRodent , clearing his throat and flicking his tail in the way that squirrels often do when they have something important to say, which isn’t often, “I’ve completed, in consultation with Barbaria1, the writing of the contract absolving her of all guilt in the matter of the Great CruxForums Site Crash of the Summer of 2013.”
“Well, let’s hear it,” demands @Wragg , impatiently. “I don’t like the looks of all those trigger-happy Barbaria clones wielding supersonic demerit launchers!”
“Yes, please read!” cries, @montycrusto
“Do so indeed,” rhymes @twonines .
“Does it contain any random pictures or summer boating pics?” wonders @Gibbs505 .
“Or, obscene displays?” adds @Apostate hopefully.
“No, just words,” replied RR crossly. “It’s intended to be a legal document, not a CF pic posting thread.”
“Quite right. Get on with reading it!” orders @old slave anxiously, as another clone accidentally releases a supersonic demerit, which luckily streaks harmlessly overhead, although the strange howling sound it makes is totally unnerving, not to mention what it did to the bell tower of the town hall.
“Alright, listen up everyone,” says, RR, adjusting his eyeglasses and beginning to read. “We, the undersigned, do solemnly agree to the terms set forth by Barbaria1, henceforth to be referred to on the CruxForums site as ‘Her most exalted, most powerful and omniscient, Queen Barbaria1’, the principal agreement being that her innocence with regard to causing the Great CruxForums crash of the Summer of 2013 shall never ever ever ever be questioned again as long as the site may live. Moreover, the Queen shall be supplied, at no cost to her, with an unlimited supply of high quality Riesling, which shall become the official CruxForums drink, replacing all beers, ales and Seagrams. Further. Twonines and Montycrusto shall be forever forbidden to rhyme or to make fun of the gloriously wonderful works of Gilbert and Sullivan. In addition, CruxForums will undertake the project of building a mail-order-bride-proof wall around the red state of Arkansas and make Arkansas pay for it, the payment part to be faithfully overseen by the legal genius, @thehangingtree . Additionally, @Harsh Martinet shall be forbidden to post anything on the site pertaining to riding horses, as cruelty to animals as well as the shielding of Cruxgirls’s sensitivities ‘down there’ are now officially banned. And finally, it is solemnly agreed that hideous women’s footwear of all kinds shall be forever banned from adorning the female subjects of all artwork posted on the site.”
“Is that the lot of it?” questions @Loxuru .
“Except for the small print,” responds RR.
“No need to bother reading that now,” adds @Heineudo all to quickly.
“Agreed,” declares @Jollyrei . “That’s for the legal department to go over after we sign.”
“Okay, line up everyone, let’s sign the thing and get this over with,” advises @bobinder .
“About time! And bring me some clothes!” snorts Barbaria, displaying a condescending look on her face.
“I fear this Queen business is going to her head already and will make her insufferable from now on,” observes @phlebas drily.
“Isn’t she that already?” quips @Loinclothslave .
“I heard that!” she snarls.
TBC
Fossy
SEXPIOGENTUS
Phew a scene that only narrowly avoided becoming another remake of the Alamo! Will Barb get everything she demands? What happens to the clones if their war-like frenzy is not required? Will @RacingRodent find something useful to say more often? Thank goodness this is TBC!
M
montycrusto
Guest
I think “Total Bull Crap” is a bit harsh. Let’s just call it “Almost Total Bull Crap”, or ATBC
Doragon
Tribune
Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
As a vehement beer lover,
AND frequent participant and contributor to the squirrel threads on this forum, my answer to this agreement is : NUTS!
Let's see what these clones can do against my Bavarian elite brigade!
And Riesling will be no match against my sophisticated secret Belgian weapons either!
,AND frequent participant and contributor to the squirrel threads on this forum, my answer to this agreement is : NUTS!
Let's see what these clones can do against my Bavarian elite brigade!
And Riesling will be no match against my sophisticated secret Belgian weapons either!
These gents from rhyming are banned?
Is that what our Queen Bee has planned?
I really do think
They should raise a stink
The forums will be awfully bland!
Or 'Queen Bee' for short!
“Alright, listen up everyone,” says, RR, adjusting his eyeglasses and beginning to read. “We, the undersigned, do solemnly agree to the terms set forth by Barbaria1, henceforth to be referred to on the CruxForums site as ‘Her most exalted, most powerful and omniscient, Queen Barbaria1’, the principal agreement being that her innocence with regard to causing the Great CruxForums crash of the Summer of 2013 shall never ever ever ever be questioned again as long as the site may live.
Moreover, the Queen shall be supplied, at no cost to her, with an unlimited supply of high quality Riesling, which shall become the official CruxForums drink, replacing all beers, ales and Seagrams. Further. Twonines and Montycrusto shall be forever forbidden to rhyme or to make fun of the gloriously wonderful works of Gilbert and Sullivan. In addition, CruxForums will undertake the project of building a mail-order-bride-proof wall around the red state of Arkansas and make Arkansas pay for it, the payment part to be faithfully overseen by the legal genius, @thehangingtree . Additionally, @Harsh Martinet shall be forbidden to post anything on the site pertaining to riding horses, as cruelty to animals as well as the shielding of Cruxgirls’s sensitivities ‘down there’ are now officially banned. And finally, it is solemnly agreed that hideous women’s footwear of all kinds shall be forever banned from adorning the female subjects of all artwork posted on the site.”
Moreover, the Queen shall be supplied, at no cost to her, with an unlimited supply of high quality Riesling, which shall become the official CruxForums drink, replacing all beers, ales and Seagrams. Further. Twonines and Montycrusto shall be forever forbidden to rhyme or to make fun of the gloriously wonderful works of Gilbert and Sullivan. In addition, CruxForums will undertake the project of building a mail-order-bride-proof wall around the red state of Arkansas and make Arkansas pay for it, the payment part to be faithfully overseen by the legal genius, @thehangingtree . Additionally, @Harsh Martinet shall be forbidden to post anything on the site pertaining to riding horses, as cruelty to animals as well as the shielding of Cruxgirls’s sensitivities ‘down there’ are now officially banned. And finally, it is solemnly agreed that hideous women’s footwear of all kinds shall be forever banned from adorning the female subjects of all artwork posted on the site.”
This really annoys me she is pulling this off...
Yes, I prefer her in this situation and clothes more too!This really annoys me she is pulling this off...
But the threatening flying demerits....
Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
Yes, these are the real traditional regalia of the Queen of CF! Only the Royal Hideous Shoes are still missing!
According to the chronicles, a CF queen never complains, and never uses blasphemous words such as 'Oh, shit', and 'Yikes'.
twonines
LIMERICUS
Things have now reached a pretty pass,
With Barbaria clones assembled en masse.
If Barb imitates Xyulo - wanted by criminal international court in The Hague,
And they all start shooting,
We must take it out on her tight little ass.
Seriously, this is amusing and finely observed, Barb. Thanks!
With Barbaria clones assembled en masse.
If Barb imitates Xyulo - wanted by criminal international court in The Hague,
And they all start shooting,
We must take it out on her tight little ass.
Seriously, this is amusing and finely observed, Barb. Thanks!
M
montycrusto
Guest
So let me get this straight.. Barb has created an army of clones.. and there’s only one crown.. and we’re supposed to believe they’re not going to squabble among themselves about which one gets to wear it?? I say let them get on with it; we’ll watch the fur fly from a safe distance
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That's a brilliant idea. All we have to do is tell the clones that they are entitled to this crown and that only the best of them can survive. There can only be one.
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montycrusto
Guest
All we need do is open enough cases of Chardonnay to ensure there’s at least 3 glasses per Barb and we’re set!Don't panic, guys! Haven't we designed the Crux Forums Doomsday Machine for such situations? Let's release clouds of fine print over that army of Barb clones, followed by sprays of beer! They will soon beg us to get whipped and crucified!