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The Trial of Barbaria1
- Thread starter Barbaria1
- Start date
So the air between the leaves and the uncounted stones answered the question. Colour me less confused, appreciate the clarification
Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
Indeed, Monty! But may I suggest next time to give the credit for good suggestions in this court to our senior magistrate @old slave . The man seems a bit keen on pulling rank, and the worst that can happen in a trial is a grumpy senior judge, since they may become unpredictable and irrational in their decisionmaking!By far the most sensible suggestion yet made on this thread!
old slave
FELIS RESPICIENS
My decisionmaking?Indeed, Monty! But may I suggest next time to give the credit for good suggestions in this court to our senior magistrate @old slave . The man seems a bit keen on pulling rank, and the worst that can happen in a trial is a grumpy senior judge, since they may become unpredictable and irrational in their decisionmaking!
I cannot give the reasons,
I only sing the tunes:
the sadness of the seasons
the madness of the moons.
I cannot be didactic
or lucid, but I can
be quite obscure and practic-
ally marzipan
In gorgery and gushness
and all that's squishified.
My voice has all the lushness
of what I can't abide
And yet it has a beauty
most proud and terrible
denied to those whose duty
is to be cerebral.
© The Mervyn Peake Estate.
Yes, we absolutely must praise him for his wise decisions, otherwise he will soon be speaking only in verse.
Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
Objection! Inadmissable influence of the court! After the poetic testimony of a charracter witness of the defendant, His Honour starts talking poetry too!
Doragon
Tribune
It's a virus infectionObjection! Inadmissable influence of the court! After the poetic testimony of a charracter witness of the defendant, His Honour starts talking poetry too!
Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
Anyway! Judges are supposed to be virus-proof under all circumstances!
Prosecution demands that the testimony of the defendant's character witness is invalidated by the court, and that the jury will not take it into account during her debates or in the motivation of her verdict! Nah!
Well said, sir.
In that case, we should not only crucify the defendant but also put everyone else on lockdown as well, possibly not in that order.
Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
'Not in that order'!? Could you please point out what do you mean by that (specifically : YOU) : crucify everyone else and put the defendant in lockdown?
WELL, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO PUT ME IN LOCKDOWN, ANYWAY, ARE YOU? I MEAN, THE WHOLE POINT OF LOCKDOWN IS, FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE, TO KEEP ME FROM RAMPAGING ABOUT, AND FROM MY PERSPECTIVE IT'S TO MAKE MY LIFE MORE RELAXING AND GET ME BACK TO THE POOL IN TIME FOR LUNCHEON.'Not in that order'!? Could you please point out what do you mean by that (specifically : YOU) : crucify everyone else and put the defendant in lockdown?
I'M NOT REALLY THE PLANNING ARM OF THIS VENTURE. MOST OF WHAT I DO RESULTS FROM OTHER PEOPLE'S BAD PLANNING.
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I'm ok then. I'm immune. Vaccinated, me.
Plus I've had it before.
I can sit in the court with no care.
As to what may be happening there.
Avoiding this curse
Of unconscious verse -
O, Doragon, why do you stare?
Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
"And this, Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, is no doubt still another side effect of the Great Crash of 2013!"Versid-19 spreads, out of control, through the forums!
5.
“Alright, this Court has heard from both the prosecution and from the defense in the case of Barbaria1. Is there anything else we must do before moving on to rendering a decision as to the undeniably obvious guilt of the defendant?” asks Chief Magistrate @old slave .
“A suggestion, if I may “ cries a voice from the bench.
“Yes, @Harsh Martinet , what is it?”
“I suggest that we hear from the defendant herself.”
“No! All that will accomplish is to fill the air with complaints and profanity!” states @Loxuru , rising swiftly to his feet to object.
“Hear me out,” replies Harshmartinet, rubbing his hands together with obvious relish. “Such outbursts must and can be quite easily squelched, I believe. My plan would be to place the defendant astride a wooden horse with electrically-wired clips attached to her sensitive girly bits. Any foul language or sudden tirades of complaint that may occur can then be effectively neutralized by electrical shock. And the considerable discomfort that is sure to arise from riding the horse may just be what is needed to convince Ms Moore that a confession might not be such a bad idea.”
“An excellent suggestion! @RacingRodent , find us a sturdy wooden horse with a razor edge and the necessary electrical equipment at once!”
“Yes, and with pleasure, your honor!” (Scampers off, bushy tailed)
“Wait! The defense objects!” cries @thehangingtree , rousing himself from an alcohol-induced stupor. “To torture my client into confessing a crime of which she is guilty … uh …. I mean innocent … would be barbaric! This is the 21st century, let’s not forget! Not to mention the fact that this court is not anywhere near Arkansas!”
“Perhaps so, but justice at times … even here in Blighty … calls for extraordinary measures, and besides … while all this is being set up, the Court shall pass around, as refreshment, a nice dram or two or three, or whatever, for everyone to imbibe,” states old slave.
“In that case, the defense withdraws its objection.” hastens Tree, smacking his lips in anticipation.
“Good. Harshmartinet! The Court hereby places you in charge of getting the defendant properly situated.” decrees Old slave.
“With great pleasure, your honor.”
**************
Half an hour later, with the sweet reek of alcohol permeating the courtroom, the horse and electrical equipment is ready, and a totally naked Barbaria1 has been set, wide-eyed and squirming, astride its sharply-wedged edge, legs stretched downward by weights affixed to her ankles. She winces as alligator clips are attached to nipples and clit, and the duct tape gag is ripped from her mouth.
“What the fuck!” she howls.
Bzzzzzzzzzzzttttt
“Holy Shit!”
Bzzzzzzzzzzttttt
“Fuck you all!”
Bzzzzzzztttttt
“Stop! Please stop!”
“Then behave!” admonishes Harshmartinet.
“Okay, okay.”
“Now Barbara,” intervenes Loxoru, “Answer our question truthfully. Did you, or did you not, cause the Great Crash of the summer of 2013?”
“Will I get zapped if I say no?”
“Probably.”
“Well then, whatever can I say?
The truth in fact is quite gray
Whether I answer in the positive
Or dare to answer in the negative
You’ll most surely zap me anyway”
“Bzzzzzzzzzzzttt”
“0h no!” exclaims @Wragg , slapping his forehead. “Versid-19 spreads, out of control … don your masks everyone before it’s too late!”
TBC
“Alright, this Court has heard from both the prosecution and from the defense in the case of Barbaria1. Is there anything else we must do before moving on to rendering a decision as to the undeniably obvious guilt of the defendant?” asks Chief Magistrate @old slave .
“A suggestion, if I may “ cries a voice from the bench.
“Yes, @Harsh Martinet , what is it?”
“I suggest that we hear from the defendant herself.”
“No! All that will accomplish is to fill the air with complaints and profanity!” states @Loxuru , rising swiftly to his feet to object.
“Hear me out,” replies Harshmartinet, rubbing his hands together with obvious relish. “Such outbursts must and can be quite easily squelched, I believe. My plan would be to place the defendant astride a wooden horse with electrically-wired clips attached to her sensitive girly bits. Any foul language or sudden tirades of complaint that may occur can then be effectively neutralized by electrical shock. And the considerable discomfort that is sure to arise from riding the horse may just be what is needed to convince Ms Moore that a confession might not be such a bad idea.”
“An excellent suggestion! @RacingRodent , find us a sturdy wooden horse with a razor edge and the necessary electrical equipment at once!”
“Yes, and with pleasure, your honor!” (Scampers off, bushy tailed)
“Wait! The defense objects!” cries @thehangingtree , rousing himself from an alcohol-induced stupor. “To torture my client into confessing a crime of which she is guilty … uh …. I mean innocent … would be barbaric! This is the 21st century, let’s not forget! Not to mention the fact that this court is not anywhere near Arkansas!”
“Perhaps so, but justice at times … even here in Blighty … calls for extraordinary measures, and besides … while all this is being set up, the Court shall pass around, as refreshment, a nice dram or two or three, or whatever, for everyone to imbibe,” states old slave.
“In that case, the defense withdraws its objection.” hastens Tree, smacking his lips in anticipation.
“Good. Harshmartinet! The Court hereby places you in charge of getting the defendant properly situated.” decrees Old slave.
“With great pleasure, your honor.”
**************
Half an hour later, with the sweet reek of alcohol permeating the courtroom, the horse and electrical equipment is ready, and a totally naked Barbaria1 has been set, wide-eyed and squirming, astride its sharply-wedged edge, legs stretched downward by weights affixed to her ankles. She winces as alligator clips are attached to nipples and clit, and the duct tape gag is ripped from her mouth.
“What the fuck!” she howls.
Bzzzzzzzzzzzttttt
“Holy Shit!”
Bzzzzzzzzzzttttt
“Fuck you all!”
Bzzzzzzztttttt
“Stop! Please stop!”
“Then behave!” admonishes Harshmartinet.
“Okay, okay.”
“Now Barbara,” intervenes Loxoru, “Answer our question truthfully. Did you, or did you not, cause the Great Crash of the summer of 2013?”
“Will I get zapped if I say no?”
“Probably.”
“Well then, whatever can I say?
The truth in fact is quite gray
Whether I answer in the positive
Or dare to answer in the negative
You’ll most surely zap me anyway”
“Bzzzzzzzzzzzttt”
“0h no!” exclaims @Wragg , slapping his forehead. “Versid-19 spreads, out of control … don your masks everyone before it’s too late!”
TBC
In some small cursory way anyway (which is not to say we've heard a lot of cursing so far).
A very accurate statement, but perhaps somewhat irrelevant.
It's very difficult to get anywhere. Gray indeed! Is this some sort of denial or a confession. I suggest that the purpose of these proceedings be adjusted to find the most expedient means to the desired end goal. That goal is far more associated with the punishment and ultimate crucifixion (as always) of the defendant, and need not bear more than the slightest relation to whether she is actually guilty.
We must appoint Wragg our Chief Officer of Literary Health.
You know, those boffins are incredible.
The epidemic only broke this afternoon, and already they've come up with a higly effective mask!
