Well that lecture sure didn't turn out as planned!
Of course I knew there'd be hell to pay but still. It was worth it.
The priceless moment when they wanted to cut my microphone but accidentally switched off the 'Professor' instead.
How long it took them to realize I was deliberately provoking the whippings.
When they decided to clear the hall and sent in the campus security goons to seize all the student's phones but a bunch of them had already slipped out... have fun tracking down and deleting all the video uploads!
I think I heard an exasperated 'Oh shit' a few times.
'Madame Professor' has me dragged to the sweltering, stinking bowels of this madhouse 'University'.
It's unbelievably hot and humid and reeks of fear and piss and vomit.
I retch at the vileness of it, I break out into a profuse sweat.
I twist in my bonds as one of her hired brutes fingers me.
I try to pull myself up, get my knee against him, but its hopeless. I can't do much but let it happen. I do hurl abuse at him, mostly in German as my stock of English cuss words is just too embarassingly limited. I spit at him but it doesn't faze him. I guess it's what everyone does.
Here she comes now!
That paragon of academic acheivement, the scum floating on the top of this cesspool, with her factotum in tow.
I wonder what kind of professional history it takes for someone to stoop so low as to seek a tenure position in a place like UVM... but probably she was part of the scam from day one.
'Professor' of course doesn't get her hands dirty. Her underlings do that.
It seems they're obsessed with the idea of having a presentable victim for their execution spectacle.
Probably they want it to look as if I'm going there meekly submitting to their 'sentence'.
So she wants to see no blood.
'Professor' departs up the stairs, I figure I should have spat at her instead of the brute, but well, the moment has passed. Esprit d'escalier.
I wonder why they don't just use electrodes but maybe their electrotorture unit has broken down in the humid, corrosive air of this infernal cellar. It's a very shoddy enterprise here.
So this Joan lays into me with her flogger and Gods the one talent in the world she has is endurance, and patience for dull, repetitive tasks.
No wonder. That certainly is a skill set that will make her go far at UVM.
'Until your arm is tired'. It feels like hours and hours.
In the beginning there still seems to be something like an expression on her face. An evilly grinning mask as she strikes up between my legs or lashes across my breasts. then she falls into the rhythm of an automaton as she goes over my entire body with the whip. I squirm frantically. My body is drenched in sweat, the wetness of my skin making the impact hurt so much more, and I feel like I could faint from the heat alone.
The heat is the worst.
My throat feels parched even before I scream myself hoarse and yes of course, as it goes on forever and forever, I do cry and whimper and it feels like I'm dissolving in sweat and tears and drool and snot ... but no blood, not on the outside. She does not in fact ever break my skin but it feels as if I'm turning to pulp underneath.
I lose track of time, I finally do faint, she wakes me with a cruel mockery of tenderness.
My muscles seize into violent, horrible cramps.
She steps back and laughs at the sight of me twitching, telling me I can stop dancing, she isn't even striking me... but I can't.
I guess it's going to be like this on the cross?
When the cramps finally subside, there's a deep pain that stays inside me.
I'm broken.
Even my face hurts from being distorted into that silent scream.
She leaves, not without letting me know how much she looks forward to a cold drink and a refreshing shower.
I'm limp meat to hang up after that.
It's hard to focus but I see the brute from before having his way with some girl 'students'. Inmates I'd rather say.
I wonder what's going on in their mind.
So this is University life!
Is this just some hazing ritual to go through so you'll be admitted into some inner circle? Some out-of control initiation ritual?
Some things might make sense when you look at it that way. I mean really. Yellow hats and blue noses. That blatant 'we can get away with anything' attitude.
But there's no inner circle here to enter.
Because it's all a scam, and the inner circle will always only be those few people who skim off the profits.
I realize this thing is totally scripted, totally running on autopilot.
It has absolutely nothing to do with me really.
It could be anyone. .. As long as it's a woman and she's there, that's enough!
It just runs its course.
The end of it is clear, I'll be gone.
Maybe, I think, I can make someone here realize that there is actually such a thing as me.
Not terribly important maybe, but it does exist.
I think a few of the students yesterday, they understood.
So that might be my calling, my final suicidal mission.
I'm not going to make any effect on any of the people involved in this. But who knows about others.
My head lolls about as the brute rapes me, his foul breath in my face, his revolting snaking slobbery tongue everywhere,forcing into my mouth; I try to bite down on him but I can hardly move my jaw, it's numbed from the rictus of pain my face went into during my seizure. I imagine myself butting him with my head or anything but I cannot turn the thought into an actual movement. His hands grope and squeeze and slap my sweat-drenched body,
Finally they dump me into a small iron cage. It's hard to imagine but it seems even hotter than before.
I am raw and ruined.
I am bruised, I am used.
I am tired, I am weary! And I could sleep a thousand years.
But I find not one moment in the confines of the cage.
I'm burning under my unbroken skin, it's so hot and humid that no amount of perspiration helps. I can't find any position to relax in. The cramps set in again. My heart feels like it's capsizing and kicking wildly and my breathing goes ragged in this hellish oven. I piss myself, it's without pain but a dark red color, well I guess a bit of rhabdomyolysis going on there. Finally I fall more into unconsciousness than sleep and when they wake me banging aginst the bars of the cage I'm confused as to my whereabouts, no idea of where I am and what's happened, I was so deep in blissful black nothingness and would have wanted to stay there, I wonder who's disturbing me so I mumble 'What do you want from me?' ... meaning mostly 'couldn't you just let me sleep in a bit'.
Because once I'm awake of course I know what they want from me.
Nothing actually - nothing that's actually me.
It's just their game, and it has occurred that I have blundered into it. The only way out is forward and through, and then it's over.
