I may have put this elsewhere but I think I got a spiked bottle of Seagram's from the Great Slave Rebellion of 2013 so 'Excuuuuuse me"
Commodore Jackson: My last encounter with the redskins was over thirty-five years ago. I was a mere stripling.
Skeptical Passenger: Is that so?
Commodore Jackson: I whipped out my revolver...
Skeptical Passenger: Revolvers weren't invented thirty-five years ago.
Commodore Jackson: Uh... uh... I know that, but the Indians didn't know it. It doesn't matter - I threw it away.
Female passenger: Oh, how exciting - please don't interrupt.
Commodore Jackson: I had just swum the rapids. I had my canoe under one arm and a Rocky Mountain goat under the other.
Skeptical Passenger: How could you swim without the use of your arms?
Commodore Jackson: Uh, uh... in those days I had, uh, I had very strong legs. Uh, excuse me.
[sheepishly doffs hat to woman] very strong limbs.
Female passenger: You must have been full of fire in your youth.
Commodore Jackson: I had to carry fire insurance until I was over forty. As I arrived at the river bank, I was encountered by the entire tribe of the Shug Indians. The most ferocious... have you ever been to Shug country?
Skeptical Passenger:
[glaring] No, I haven't.
Commodore Jackson: Uh, that's fine. I unsheathed my Bowie knife and cut a path through this wall of human flesh, dragging my canoe behind me.
Female passenger:
[collapsing] Oh, oh, oh... oh.
Commodore Jackson: Ah, I'm sorry. Perhaps I've gone too far.
Skeptical Passenger: What, what happened to the goat?
Commodore Jackson: He was very good with mustard.
Naive card-player: Is this a game of chance?
Commodore Jackson: Not the way I play it, no.