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Crucifixion And You: How Did The Idea Start?

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Fliegerbiene said:
It's unbelievable what you can find when you dive deep into the archives. It's really fun to surf the old posts everywhere. So this thread in which the users describe how they found their way crucifixion. Very interesting!
I was surprised that this particular kink came up with most of them in early childhood. It was not the case with me. It started in puberty. At first, when I was 13, I suddenly had a lot of bondage fantasies. I found it totally exciting to imagine myself being bound or chained in all sorts of ways. Over time, ideas of punishments were added: beatings with a stick or leather strap or even with a whip. And then suspension! I liked that very much.
Then, shortly before my 14th birthday at Easter, I saw a documentary about crucifixions. You saw a man with outstretched arms almost naked on the cross. He was sweating and moaning and panting and clearly suffering. That turned me on. It started to tingle between my legs, I was so aroused.
Then at night I dreamed of being crucified myself. It was kind of a fantasy land. It was like around 1850 there and the crucifixion took place in a town on the market square. In the dream I was led stark naked across the market square to the cross. There were many people standing there and they watched curiously as I was forced down onto the cross and nailed to my hands and feet. I groaned and let out little screams. Then they erected the cross and I hung naked on the beam over the heads of the pack. It felt crazy. I felt the tension in my outspread arms. I felt the nails in my feet and wrists. I felt the wood of the cross on my back and shoulders and I felt the eyes of the audience on my bare skin. I was ashamed because I was hanging naked on the cross in front of these greedy-looking people. I couldn't hide. I was helplessly exposed to the gaze of the audience. And it dit hurt. In the dream I could actually feel the pain the crucifixion inflicted on me. It was horrible and beautiful at the same time. I knew I wasn't going to die. I had been sentenced to six hours on the cross and after that I would be healed in a temple (in fantasy countries this is possible).
After waking up, I couldn't get the dream out of my head. For the first time in my life I was interested in a crucifixion. I started to keep thinking up new stories about how I was crucified. At first I mainly fantasized about bondage, that is, crucified with ropes. Then later came the nailing. Getting nailed fascinated me in a strangely descriptive way.
I was afraid of getting nailed. I was afraid of the pain and at the same time it aroused me to a great extent to have to endure this unimaginable torment. Again and again I imagined four men (or tall, strong women) forcing me naked down to the cross and holding me, while a fifth person nailed my hands and feet. Then the ascent with the cross, the pain that takes your breath away, the agony of the crucifixion that lasted for hours. Sometimes
I also imagined watching a crucifixion. Most of the time someone was crucified who lived in my personal environment. But usually I was always the victim and it has remained so to this day.
For a while, on family outings, I looked at all the crucifixes we passed on our tours. But at some point my mother started to scoff. She said things like: “Leonie is standing in front of a crucifix again and looks devoutly! We should buy her a nun's costume for Christmas so that it will look even more realistic when she worships the Lord Jesus.“
Only then did I realize that my people had noticed that I was staring at crosses and I quickly stopped to do so. From then on I only looked at crucifixes in secret, especially on the Internet. There was no way I wanted anyone in my family to figure out all the crazy things I was fantasizing about. I've always kept my particular preferences as a secret.
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Very interesting story. Especially how it came to you and developed over the years. Did you feel any fear during your beginning of liking crucifixion?
 
Fliegerbiene said:
... I had been sentenced to six hours on the cross and after that I would be healed in a temple (in fantasy countries this is possible)...
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And fortunatelly ! Otherwise, us, cruxgirls, we never could have so many crucifixions like we have and it would be frustrating !
Anyway, crucified in RL in front of some unknowed people or crucified here in the same conditions, is not it the same research for us ?
Though that here, we can reach the deeper of our fantasy : to be nailed to our crosses !
... and to suffer a long time ago, even too our death ...

171 My deep fantasy.jpg
 
The reason I like crucifixion is that I too took part in a passion play at school I played jesus
It took place in a gym hall where we used the climbing frames for the flogging and then the crucifixion scenes
The 3 guards wanted to flog then crucify me naked in the rehersal so I said to them we will do it round my house I used a bed sheet for my robe and no loincloth they took me into the room fur thectrial where I went through the scene as I was questioned by Pilate then taken into my room stripped and ordered to lay on my front they then tied me to the bed and whipped me with the rope all over my back legs after 40 lashes they turned me over and whipped me again I was sweating they untied me and ordered me to stand up which I did they they then put a red sheet over my shoulders and led me back to the airing room where I was sentenced to death
The bed was used again this time I was stretched out using the headboard to the my wrists to my feet were crossed over each other then tied to the bottom of the bed and I went through the seven sentences by the I thirst scene my throat and mouth was dry and the guards were mocking me
The play went really well
I still at night so the crucifixion scene nakedon my own
 
Tenterden said:
The reason I like crucifixion is that I too took part in a passion play at school I played jesus
It took place in a gym hall where we used the climbing frames for the flogging and then the crucifixion scenes
The 3 guards wanted to flog then crucify me naked in the rehersal so I said to them we will do it round my house I used a bed sheet for my robe and no loincloth they took me into the room fur thectrial where I went through the scene as I was questioned by Pilate then taken into my room stripped and ordered to lay on my front they then tied me to the bed and whipped me with the rope all over my back legs after 40 lashes they turned me over and whipped me again I was sweating they untied me and ordered me to stand up which I did they they then put a red sheet over my shoulders and led me back to the airing room where I was sentenced to death
The bed was used again this time I was stretched out using the headboard to the my wrists to my feet were crossed over each other then tied to the bottom of the bed and I went through the seven sentences by the I thirst scene my throat and mouth was dry and the guards were mocking me
The play went really well
I still at night so the crucifixion scene nakedon my own
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It is amazing that you went through the actual process for a play. I am wondering how old were you when this occurred? Do you remember what you were thinking or feeling when you went through this?
 
ShadowWolf said:
It is amazing that you went through the actual process for a play. I am wondering how old were you when this occurred? Do you remember what you were thinking or feeling when you went through this?
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About 11 -12 20210131_220715.jpgthis is how they dressed me up I did this one last month one thing I remember is the climbing frame Iwas tied too looking down at the guards and the girls who played Mary and her helpers I did this over three nights the play got better by the Friday
 
Yo soy católico llevo desde pequeño siempre puesta la medalla de Jesús y la virgen y mi fantasía de siempre desde niño es que cuando me ven con mi pequeño bañador en la piscina o en la playa me cogen al ser crucificado por ser católico en taparrabos nunca desnudo solo con la medalla puesta

Antes soy flagelado y coronado de espinas cómo nuestro señor Jesucristo pasando vergüenza aunque conserve el taparrabos nunca sin taparrabos
 
Crismar said:
Yo soy católico llevo desde pequeño siempre puesta la medalla de Jesús y la virgen y mi fantasía de siempre desde niño es que cuando me ven con mi pequeño bañador en la piscina o en la playa me cogen al ser crucificado por ser católico en taparrabos nunca desnudo solo con la medalla puesta

Antes soy flagelado y coronado de espinas cómo nuestro señor Jesucristo pasando vergüenza aunque conserve el taparrabos nunca sin taparrabos
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Please use always English language on the public board!

I am a Catholic I have always been put on the medal of Jesus and the Virgin and my Fantasy always since childhood is that when they see me with my little swimsuit in the pool or on the beach they catch me when it was crucified by being Catholic in lobishbirds never naked Only with the medal set

Before I am flagellated and crowned with thorns how our Lord Jesus Christ passing embarrassment although I kept the loincloth never without loincloth
 
It is telling about human nature how early these fantasies start, mine were born of coming across my fathers secret stash of girly pulp magazines in the 50’s and 60’s many that had BDSM material. I didn’t have crux fantasies until the internet and my discovery of relevant groups on Yahoo! But mostly when I came across Makar and his great images, that got me going on doing crux manipulations and I’ve never looke back.
 
Fliegerbiene said:
Not any fear at all but it felt kinda strange, yes. But i accepted my feelings and don`t feel any shame or so. It might be a strange kink but there are so many strange kinks in the world.
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I came to terms with it when I discovered how many others enjoyed the genre, one can fantasize anything and make stories or images of these, these are many that like to see them, some have much harder things in mind but I prefer to leave these to the imagination.
 
Fliegerbiene said:
Not any fear at all but it felt kinda strange, yes. But i accepted my feelings and don`t feel any shame or so. It might be a strange kink but there are so many strange kinks in the world.
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I agree that there is this strange feeling with crucifixion. I would call it some partial form of relief. It probably could be due to the different kinks in this world with this being one.
 
Sonnelom said:
I wore a loincloth at 12 and imagined punishment scenes. Sometimes I imagined only me being punished, sometimes the group, sometimes I was an executioner. Then I began to imagine a T-shaped cross.
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Good lad !! :)
 
Eulalia said:
This is a piece I wrote soon after I came to the Forums,
it's in the Archive but not on a public thread any more,
so I'll copy it here:

Girly Games

by eulalia


Little girls' games – in Scotland and England, and surely bairns all over the world play the same! – often involve one girl being picked to kneel in the middle of the ring while the others mock my. Other girls used to hate it when they were picked, but this one used to hope it would be her! I loved chasing games, too, being hunted like a deer through the woods – I always loved it when I was the one counted out to be chased.

We used to play 'slaves' on our way to and from school – one girl had to carry everyone's bags, while the others smacked me and prodded me and shouted to make me hurry. Again, other girls used to moan, but this girl would say "Let me be the slave, please!"

Around puberty, of course I became more aware of my body, how I looked, what parts I should display, what parts I should hide. I wasn't a 'sexy' teenager, a little Lolita, I didn't try like some girls do to attract male attention – I used to hitch my skirt up over my belt on my way to school so the boys (and, I knew quite well, male teachers too) could get a good view of my nice legs, but all my friends did that too, and I just liked (and still like) the feeling of cool air on my skin.

I remember becoming very aware of my vulnerability, how the bare skin of my legs, back, waist – whatever parts were exposed, especially in summer, could be gazed at, touched and even whipped: yes, by 11 or 12 I was excited by whipping! In Scotland until very recently it wasn't unusual for girls to be beaten with the Tawse, a leather strap, on our hands, legs or buttocks – in England, where I went to secondary school, only a slipper was used, and less often. Still, this girl was regularly beaten on her bum wearing only thin cotton gym-knickers, for messing about in the changing-room!

But I wasn't frightened of being vulnerable, or even of the Tawse, I found it thrilling. It was this delight in being naked and vulnerable that made me like to sleep nude, no matter what my parents said to try to stop me – and I still do! So I enjoyed any activities where I could change into light clothing – shorts, briefs, leotard, swimsuit etc. At the swimming pool, for example, I'd get my friends to make me a 'human sacrifice', leading me ceremoniously up to the diving board and throwing me in!

My parents weren't very keen on organised religion, but I liked going to church! The local vicar (we were in England then) was Anglo-Catholic (= "high church" Episcopalian) and I loved the chanting, bells, candles, incense, bright windows and vestments, and - perhaps especially - the 'spiritual aerobics', standing up sitting, kneeling - yes, especially kneeling. I can remember as a young teenager getting quite orgasmic thrills from the whole business, I knew it was naughty, I ought not to be having such feelings and thoughts, but didn't understand why.

But crucifixes in church or elsewhere didn't have much impact on me, they were very stylised and just part of the decorations. The only crucifix incident that sticks in my memory was when I was 11 – I was with my parents on holiday in Spain when I was struck with acute appendicitis. I was rushed into a hospital that was run by an order of nuns. I remember lying on a trolley looking up at a life-size, brightly-painted image of Christ on the Cross. There was a livid bleeding wound across his lower abdomen, "Jesus!" I was thinking, "did they take out your appendix on the Cross!"

I first got excited about Crucifixion at school. A master thought it a good idea to give his 12 year olds a series of lessons, pretty well blow-by-blow, on the Crucifixion of Christ. He could hardly have guessed (or could he?!) the impact he was having on the dark-haired little kid near the back of the class whose big brown eyes grew wider at each gory detail! After that I did begin to look with more interest at crucifixes and pictures of Crucifixion, imagining how they did it, how it felt, experimenting with my own body in that position in the gym, at the swimming baths, etc.

And a bit later I discovered the story of St. Eulalia in a little book of saints belonging to a 'churchy' great-aunt. The idea of a 13-year-old girl like myself being scourged, racked, torn with Hooks, and tied on an X Cross to be roasted to death, while she went on being spunky and cheeky to her Tormentors, filled me with delight!

Stories and pictures about Classical women facing exciting fates, invariably more or less naked, also fed my appetite. I loved to imagine myself in such situations, e.g. leaning my bikini-clad body against a rock on the sea-shore, stretching up my arms to an old mooring ring, being Andromeda watching the waves and waiting for the monster who will come and devour me (I didn't want Perseus turning up to 'rescue' me and spoiling my fun, I wanted to meet my monster!)

There was a path on my way home from school that passed through rough woodland, where the bushes grew dense in summer. A gang of boys used to hide in there sometimes and ambush us girls, leaping out with long, prickly bramble-stems and wrapping them round our bodies and legs – it hurt like hell, and if you struggled it only made it much worse, so you were trapped, and they wouldn't let you go until they'd searched your bag and pockets for sweets, crisps or anything else they fancied for 'ransom' and you'd earned your freedom with kisses! You could go round another, longer way to avoid this trap, but if you didn't want to be teased and called a wimp, you just saved up the sweets and crisps your mum had put as treats in your lunchbox, hitched up your skirt, and walked bravely down what we girls called The Martyr's Path! I got 'captured' several times – it didn't upset me, I found it quite exciting, hurrying through the woods wondering if the boys were waiting for me, and when I was their captive they said I was 'good sport', 'cos I always made sure I'd got plenty of 'ransom' for them, and when they'd helped themselves to that I'd kiss them 'properly' to earn my freedom! The sight of brambles when I walk in the woods still sends a shiver up my thighs!

So, by the time I was entering adolescence, there's no doubt my true dharma, the most right and natural way for me to live, was emerging: to be naked and vulnerable, to be whipped and tortured and crucified, to be a victim – but not a pathetic one, I'm a brave, spunky kid like St. Eulalia, I'm eager to face monsters naked like Andromeda, I'm 'good sport' for my captors.

But of course, the 'normal' expectations, of parents, teachers, peer-group, hemmed me in and forced me to try to suppress my real self. It didn't work, it only made me unhappy, depressed, impossible to live with. Boyfriends, and later male partners, found me hard to understand – though I loved trying to please them, they either found my submissiveness irritating or an excuse to abuse me. So it's not surprising that I experienced a series of increasingly disastrous relationships. I felt there was something wrong with me, I felt guilty and ashamed. Yet I knew in my heart that it wasn't wrong, it couldn't be, it was – and is – my true self.

And at last I've discovered on Crux Forums a place where I can explore and express this important part of myself without feeling bad and ashamed and screwed up about it. Through my poems, stories and fantasies, I can be my true self, and if they give pleasure to my friends and visitors on the Forum, that makes me very, very happy!
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Beautifully put. And really resonates with many of my own life experience. Especially the school experience. In my case corporal punishment was optional, and given with parental consent. Which my stepfather was very happy to give.

Thank you.
 
Crucification isn't a fetish of mine at all. I just generally like making erotica about bondage, sadomasochism, dominance/submission, public humiliation, etc. The reason I ended up on this forum is that two other forums that I used to post in were closed in short order, and this was one of the few places I could find to post.
 
It is a fetish of mine since I came across the great Makar's images, here are two using the same body model in different settings, she is not one of his models but I find the pose very erotic. Damian
 

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Damian said:
It is telling about human nature how early these fantasies start, mine were born of coming across my fathers secret stash of girly pulp magazines in the 50’s and 60’s many that had BDSM material. I didn’t have crux fantasies until the internet and my discovery of relevant groups on Yahoo! But mostly when I came across Makar and his great images, that got me going on doing crux manipulations and I’ve never looke back.
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Et vous avez un incroyable talent, je suis un fan de votre art.
 
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