I wrote this on an earlier thread. It is interesting reading the admissions here how this interest started in so many at a pre-puberty age, it certainly did with me. Also how a little information started the interest but with more knowledge of details about the horrible procedure the interest developed into fascination. It certainly is a powerful subject that seems quite different from any other form of execution. Role playing while young developing into more complicated self cruxing when older seems to be something several others have done.
Since I was about seven years old I have been moved by the idea of crucifixion, I'm sure it stems from watching a Jesus movie, nothing to do with religion; however we did have an old Victorian bible with engraved type illustrations, the one of Golgotha I found spellbinding.
One's body is a private & personal possession, the very thought of it being so publicly exposed to view & the terrible tortures involved had a huge impression on my young mind, though I probably never fully understood them at that age. I posed as if on a cross on the ladder of my bunk bed with only my white underpants on, of course it wasn't till many years later in my early teens that I discovered somehow that victims were totally naked - that added knowledge knocked me sideways! At the age of fourteen to imagine oneself raised up on a cross naked with a crowd of lovely girls watching was the most erotic thing I could imagine. I imagined vividly the delicious shame of how that situation would have on my my poor young penis stiffly straining to bridge the void between me & them.
So it has always been a personal fantasy, good to know it is not at all a rare one judging by how many folk of both sexes who look in here. In fact I think the fascination with crucifixion is even more widespread than all here; who in a church cannot be moved (& I don't mean in a religious, pious, or spiritual way) by looking at an almost naked man stretched wide on a cross, usually a perfectly idealised physical body with the scrap of cloth maintaining the modesty tantalisingly slipping down! It is an image almost purposely created for erotic thoughts despite the Church wanting to banish such things, a test of out resolve? Anyway it's small wonder only a few people are willing to voice an erotic reaction to a crucifix.
Of course eroticism aside it was a horrible thing, one of terrible wounding, lots of blood, bodily functions, filth & stench. But even considering this it is still fascinating. I am one of the minority here who do not like that much the misogyny of seeing images of women on crosses, being a regular heterosexual guy I prefer my women next to me in a bed! I don't want to see women tortured, I know I am not completely alone here. There does seem to be three camps here, those men who want to see nude females in the heady pose of crucifixion (it does show off breasts so well!), others who want to see the same sex as themselves similarly presented, & those of either sex who fantasise about suffering crucifixion themselves. I am of the latter group.
So I have done self cruxing for decades when the opportunity of being completely alone permits. When I got a digital camera many years ago I could take photos, & with Photoshop I could make images of a crucifixion scenes along the lines of how I envisage the reality might have been. Many of these I have shared here. The mini movies are just an extension of that. I did hope I could share them with others interested, but I don't want to do that because of the risk of them being copied & posted in places beyond my control. It's a pity that one cannot put up a video clip somewhere where it was only possible to view & not download, I am not aware of the possibility.
