Serving your Girl
Make sure everything’s ready for the feast! Your ‘slavegirls’ should have set out supplies of chargrilled vegetables, salads, barbecue sauce, and relishes, and be circulating among the guests keeping glasses filled. Now they should be standing by ready to serve.Your assistant should be ready with a big pan and plenty of butter, to give a final sizzling to the choice bits on the grill.
Keep checking her internal temperature with a meat thermometer pushed well into her cunt. When she reaches 160°F move her away from the heat, She’ll keep wam for an hour or so without drying out, so there’s no need to rush, take it steady. Carry her to the carving table, slide out the spit, lay her face-up.
The first piece to serve is her pussy. With a sharp filleting knife, cut around the triangle of Venus, around her cunt lips, to her groin, then inserting the blade under the flesh, gently slice and lift it up in a single piece. Lay it on a dish, slice from the top edge straight down through the slot to the top. Then carefully cut away the outer and inner lips, and the clitoris, and slice the remainder into thin strips. A slavegirl should immediately offer these delicacies to the guests (you, the cook, are traditionally allowed the clit!)
Meanwhile, remove the ovaries, pass them to your assistant to fry them for a few seconds in butter, then to a slavegirl who has slices from a French baguette ready to put the ‘human caviare’ on. She gives them a dash of Tabasco, and offers them to the most honoured guests.
Next, slice off the breasts, cut away the areoles and nipples (if they’ve not already been eaten) and pass them to a slavegirl to serve on baguette slices, then cut the cooked flesh into strips about ½“ thick, and give them to the slavegirls to serve.
For guests who haven’t so far had a starter, carefully remove the girl’s belly-skin with the fat and flesh under it, and cut it into strips of cruchy crackling. Cut out the kidneys and sweetbreads, give these to your assistant for frying, then they can be served on baguette slices. Remove the liver, cut that in slices for the slavegirls to serve. Now chop down the thorax, spread open her rib-cage, remove the heart and slice it into four pieces, give these to a slavegirl to serve.
Having served up the delicacies, it’s time to get to the big meat. Chop off the head – it will make an nice centrepiece for the party on a dish of fruit or an ornamental plant-pole. Chop off the arms, then roll over the carcass and begin dividing it into joints – ham (chop her legs off at the hips, then chop her knees, slice her thighs across into butt-steaks), tenderloin (slice off what’s left of her rump, cut it into fillets), ribs (chop at her waist and below her shoulders, divide the chops), and shoulders (slice the flesh from beside her shoulder-blades, cut butt-steaks from her armpit and collar).
What’s left of the girl – lower legs and feet, arms and hands, and the remaining carcass, should be scraped clean of all serveable meat, then, with the bones of the whole carcass, thrown into the stock-pot to be simmered overnight and made into a delicious consommé tomorrow – bon appetit!