Limericks

[montycrusto]

He opened a box to reveal
A large dildo fashioned in steel.
“This object obscene is
An electric-shock penis;
I’m told it can make a bitch squeal!”

 

[twonines]

Love this!




I once tried rewriting the song lyrics to My Fair Lady to post on CF, but never completed the task. Think of it. “I’m getting crucified in the morning”, “Get me to the hill on time”, “in the gaol where I wait”, “...

Monty has pulled off this feat,
Eliza has to repeat and repeat,
"Alas, the pain,
Comes from the cane."
As she nurses her tender seat.

 

[twonines]

Would these limericks sit well with Shaw?
We cannot really be sure.
But Monty`s the tops,
He pulled out the stops,
And made an impression on Moore.

 

[montycrusto]

Eliza went stiff as a board,
Her entreaties entirely ignored,
As the Prof with a grunt
Forced the thing up her cunt
She cried “flippin’ ‘eck! Blimey! Oh Gawd!”

 

[montycrusto]

He hooked up the wires with much glee,
Saying “Now, Miss Tightlittle, we’ll see
What tune you’ll be singing
With this device bringing
Much pain to your C-U-N-T !

 

[montycrusto]

At once, she was smothered by pain,
She thrashed in her bonds, but in vain.
Her jaw tightly clenched
As her muscles were wrenched
In a rictus of agonised strain.

 

[montycrusto]

As he shut off the current, she fell
Out of her cauldron of hell.
She sweated with fear
As the Prof said “my dear,
It appears you are learning quite well!”

 

[montycrusto]

“You’ll spend the night bound to this frame,
Every hour, on the hour, it’s the same.
The timer is set,
Hourly shocks you will get,
And you’ve only yourself to blame!”

 

[montycrusto]

“Oh no, please don’t leave me like this!”
But the Professor blew her a kiss,
Saying “Soon, you will break,
And of you I’ll make
A tool for my own sexual bliss!”

 

[montycrusto]

Up the stairs, the prof’s footsteps retreated;
She fell back on the frame, quite defeated.
She supposed she’d been bad,
Drove the poor feller mad..
Had she really behaved so conceited?

 

[montycrusto]

She heard his key turn in the lock;
Then only the sound of the clock,
Each little tick beckoned
On every second
Towards the next massive shock!

 

[montycrusto]

The waiting became so unnerving,
She could not refrain from observing,
How her scorn of her master
Had led to disaster;
This torture, her rightful deserving!

 

[twonines]

Stark naked and dripping with sweat,
Eliza`s starting to regret
That her poor elocution
Brought electrocution
And it still hasn`t finished, I`ll bet.

 

[montycrusto]

She reflected on this, but her thought
Was suddenly cut very short,
As an agonised wave
Hit the bound, sweating slave,
With a shock of the electrical sort!

 

[montycrusto]

Her deafening shrieks filled the air,
While upstairs in a nice comfy chair,
The venerable Crusto
Quaffed sherry with gusto,
And gorged on a chocolate éclair.

 

[twonines]

Her agony increases, bit by bit,
Just as Monty sees fit.
Isn`t it a pity,
She`s a wire on each titty,
And another attached to her clit!

 

[twonines]

Monty has made it so tough,
Surely, Eliza`s had enough.
No, the shocks are much longer,
The current ,even stronger,
The going is now really rough.

 

[twonines]

My Fair Lady was really a hit,
As is the full CF take on it.
But the CF version,
Has more sex and perversion,
And wins by more than a bit.

 

[montycrusto]

The next day a message he’d send
To his wager-addicted friend,
Colonel McWragg,
That notable wag,
To bring this fine bet to an end.

 

[montycrusto]

The Colonel, a great early-riser,
Turned up to find out if Eliza
Had truly been broken
As the prof’s note had spoken,
Thus making him poorer but wiser.