Limericks

[twonines]

Things are now on the mend,
No more postings we`ll send,
We`ve done it to death,
So we`ll now pause for breath.
(Is this really the end?)

 

[montycrusto]

The two men descended the stairs
To witness the state of affairs.
The girl was a mess
And did freely confess
She was done with giving herself airs.

 

[montycrusto]

The Colonel, while fondling her breast,
Remarked “So the slut passed the test!”
Said Crusto “Not yet,
I’ve not quite won the bet,
Till she proves she’s turned out for the best!”

 

[Barbaria1]

For a film classic so very old
Monty and Nines are quite bold
Taking the challenge
Rhyming with sacrilege
And leaving no tawdry bits untold

 

[montycrusto]

“Now Eliza,” the Professor said,
“What thoughts do you have in your head?
Will you beg for release?
For the torture to cease?
Or for more extreme torment instead?”

 

[montycrusto]

Eliza Tightlittle then spoke
Of the feelings the torture awoke.
“Spit on me, and curse,
I deserve so much worse!
Condemn me to death at a stroke!”

 

[montycrusto]

“Kind master, I beg, leave me here,
At each bolt of pain I will cheer;
I submit to it gladly,
And love you quite madly,
I am your true slave, and sincere!”

 

[montycrusto]

Colonel McWragg murmured “Few
Have broken a slave-girl like you.
By George, you’ve both done it,
The wager, you’ve won it!
Congratulations are due!”

 

[montycrusto]

And so “ My Fair Slavegirl “ is ended,
I hope that it has not offended.
It’s only in jest,
And meant for the best,
So I guess, least said, soonest mended.

 

[twonines]

Unlike the Hollywood way,
There`ll be no " remake" today.
We`ve had lots of fun,
But this saga is done.
That`s about all we can say.

 

[montycrusto]

Unlike the Hollywood way,
There`ll be no " remake" today.
We`ve had lots of fun,
But this saga is done.
That`s about all we can say.

Our fancy has taken its flights,
In a tale of debauched delights...
With moments heart-rending,
And a nice, happy ending..
Now who’ll buy the damned movie rights?

 

[Wragg]

Since Monday I've not seen this thread
My eyes near popped out of my head!
For Monty has writ
Four pages of, um, prose
Which I should have been reading instead!

For Barb's had adventures and games
At which many ladies and dames
Would squawk with dismay
And utter "I say!
"But nothing this sweet woman shames!"

But what made my jaw drop and sag
Was that Monty pulled out of the bag
A story so fine
That I loved each line
That included a chap named McWragg!

 

[montycrusto]

“The Adventures of Colonel McWragg”,
Would make any bookshelf sag;
In more depth than you need,
They recount every deed
About which the good Colonel must brag.

 

[montycrusto]

For example, the Siege of Trieste;
McWragg brought a cannon to test.
With one massive boom,
It spelled instant doom
For the cannoneers (in peace may they rest).

 

[montycrusto]

Then there was the Siege of Turin,
When supplies were getting quite thin...
McWragg ate his horse
Served with Cumberland Sauce
And washed down with a glass of pink gin.

 

[montycrusto]

Wherever the fighting was fraught,
McWragg could be found (in short).
Thus was history forged
By a soldier who gorged
On his quadruped more than he ought.

 

[montycrusto]

Along many a dusty road,
From palace to humble abode,
They hailed the bold knight,
Who rode on the right,
In compliance with Highway Code!

 

[montycrusto]

In tropical climes, the good Colonel
Found the heat hard to bear, and infernal.
He then saw the light
And fought battles at night,
And was known as McWragg the Nocturnal.

 

[montycrusto]

This bold paladin knew no fear,
And met peril with a rousing cheer.
Though his habits were Spartan,
He dressed in fine tartan,
Reflecting his chequered career.

 

[Wragg]

Despite this fine limerick fest
What cheers up the Colonel the best -
You may work without slumber
But you still can't outnumber
The medals arrayed on his chest!