Limericks

[montycrusto]

Despite this fine limerick fest
What cheers up the Colonel the best -
You may work without slumber
But you still can't outnumber
The medals arrayed on his chest!

His V.C., Iron Cross, Croix de Guerre,
And his Blue Peter badge (very rare!)
All jingled like bells
Across his lapels,
And shone with a dazzling glare.

 

[Wragg]

His V.C., Iron Cross, Croix de Guerre,
And his Blue Peter badge (very rare!)
All jingled like bells
Across his lapels,
And shone with a dazzling glare.

They jingled indeed, rather loud
As they formed such a pectoral crowd
The medals he'd gained
He rather disdained -
'Twas his Blue Peter badge made him proud!

 

[montycrusto]

They jingled indeed, rather loud
As they formed such a pectoral crowd
The medals he'd gained
He rather disdained -
'Twas his Blue Peter badge made him proud!

So loaded was he with awards,
And ceremonial swords,
Honours, regalia
And paraphernalia,
He almost fell through the floor boards.

 

[twonines]

On this brave and gallant Hussar,
The medals could be seen from afar.
After all he achieved,
He was glad he never received
The one for VD and Scar.

 

[twonines]

Some medals reward deeds that are fine,
Some have no reason or rhyme.
Sometimes you see,
One for LS and GC
Denoting eighteen years of undetected crime.


(An old soldier`s cynical view)
For the non-military,
LS and GC, long service and good conduct

 

[Wragg]

So loaded was he with awards,
And ceremonial swords,
Honours, regalia
And paraphernalia,
He almost fell through the floor boards.

The medals, their ribbons and clips
Bedevilled the floorboards with dips
Be that as it may
The trouble I say
Was caused by his fondness for chips.

 

[montycrusto]

At last, after many long years,
He entered the great House of Peers.
In fine ermine furs,
A full cuirass and spurs,
He shouted “By Jingo! Three cheers!”

 

[montycrusto]

So that was the life of our Colonel,
Put together from notes in his jolonel.
With musket and sword,
This warrior and lord
Won renown that is likely etolonel.

 

[twonines]

Round the Forum, the Limericks are flying,
And with laughter, some leave us crying.
Wragg, of course,
Is a dark horse,
But Monty`s the king, without trying.

 

[montycrusto]

Round the Forum, the Limericks are flying,
And with laughter, some leave us crying.
Wragg, of course,
Is a dark horse,
But Monty`s the king, without trying.

@Wragg certainly is a dark horse,
(And might be for McWragg a main course),
But I’m slightly amazed
To be so highly praised,
(Though I did write a Limerick in Morse).

 

[montycrusto]

“Romanes eunt domus!” She cried,
As Mogurix flogged her poor hide,
With a cruel-looking flail,
While Calixtus said “Fail.
Couldn’t speak Latin worse if you tried!”

 

[montycrusto]

Said Mogurix “I’m having a ball,
Flogging this woman and all..
But what makes me wrathful,
Is this tight little gothful
Said ‘Roman’; I’m not, I’m a Gaul!”

 

[twonines]

This Goth girl is a shapely lass,
With a beautiful tight little ass.
I`ve got the urge,
To lay on this scourge,
A chance I`m not going to pass.

 

[twonines]

This girl`s a Goth, which I hate,
For this moment I`ve had to wait.
As each lash draws blood,
Her hot tears will flood,
As I make the most of my eight.

 

[montycrusto]

These two lovely quivering lumps
Of ass-flesh, now covered in bumps
By my artful flail,
Can be read just like braille,
And each time you touch them, she jumps!

 

[twonines]

Her back is now lash torn and wealed,
It looks more like a ploughed field.
Although she`s defiant,
She`ll soon be compliant,
To this scourge she`ll eventually yield.

 

[twonines]

The Goth girl now starts to plead,
As her back and her ass freely bleed.
Admonished at length,
Told to save her strength.
On the cross that was what she would need.

 

[montycrusto]

Mogurix to great heights is urged,
“Make sure that her pussy gets scourged!
With a flick of your wrist
You can reach (we insist)
That part that most needs to be purged!”

 

[twonines]

Mogurix continues to lay on the lash,
Barbara`s flesh he continues to mash.
This flogging`s eclectic,
It`s effect is electric,
When he lays one right on her gash!

 

[montycrusto]

Barbaria thought “What a nerve!
To strike with such vigour and verve!
I’d rather be sold
To an ugly and old
Patrician whose cock I must serve!”