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Now This Just Isn't Funny

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Loxuru said:
In the Middle Ages, there was a real trade in such 'authentic' religious objects. Lots of Holy Lances, Real Crosses, Real Nails of Christ,...
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There's a funny story from the first crusade where they found the "Holy Lance" in a latrine ditch. A number of more educated crusaders were somewhat concerned about the fact that there was also a Holy Lance in Constantinople at the time (with rather more trustworthy provenance) where some of them had gone to see it earlier in the crusade (when they were still briefly on speaking terms with the byzantines) and what their pet zealot had found looked very much like any other rusty piece of metal, but it raised morale and so they assaulted the walls of Antioch carrying a Holy Relic that still smelled distressingly of ammonia.
 
MSTGMA said:
There's a funny story from the first crusade where they found the "Holy Lance" in a latrine ditch. A number of more educated crusaders were somewhat concerned about the fact that there was also a Holy Lance in Constantinople at the time (with rather more trustworthy provenance) where some of them had gone to see it earlier in the crusade (when they were still briefly on speaking terms with the byzantines) and what their pet zealot had found looked very much like any other rusty piece of metal, but it raised morale and so they assaulted the walls of Antioch carrying a Holy Relic that still smelled distressingly of ammonia.
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Actually, it happened when the crusaders were besieged themselves in Antiochia, after they had taken the city, and soon, they risked starvation. The 'Holy Lance' had probably been buried a few days earlier before its 'discovery' under the floor of a church where it subsequently had been unearthed, on indications of the zealous monk who most likely had buried it there. It boosted the morale for a break out during which the besiegers got actually defeated. But afterwards, the monk was challenged about it. To prove his right, he proposed a trial by fire. He died of it!
 
Rias said:
Mine favourite pawn shop tv show:
View attachment 1345583
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Yes, I watch this show often too.
Loxuru said:
Actually, it happened when the crusaders were besieged themselves in Antiochia, after they had taken the city, and soon, they risked starvation. The 'Holy Lance' had probably been buried a few days earlier before its 'discovery' under the floor of a church where it subsequently had been unearthed, on indications of the zealous monk who most likely had buried it there. It boosted the morale for a break out during which the besiegers got actually defeated. But afterwards, the monk was challenged about it. To prove his right, he proposed a trial by fire. He died of it!
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But at least he tried and died believing he was right.
 
Alright, here's a short collection of the worst BDSM jokes that I could come up with.

1. I went to this dominatrix the other day. I thought she'd come with a cage to lock my penis, but suddenly, she removes her top, revealing her breasts, and starts running around in circles, telling me "Catch me if you can!". As it turned out, she misheard me and thought I was into "chase titty".

2. A dominatrix was fired from her previous job, but was immediately hired by a demolition company. They've heard that she had experience with... wrecking balls.

3. Three officers in the navy were sent on a submarine. The moment they get down there, a woman cracks her whip and orders them to kneel. Turns out they were sent on a... sub mission.

4. What do you call a group of patriots that are into BDSM? Domi-nation.

5. How many slaves does a dominatrix need to change a lightbulb? Around 14. One of them was sitting there as a human stool, while the other 13 tried to change the lightbulb. And it's hard to tell the broken lightbulb from the new one when you're blindfolded.

6. My domina bought me a white leash and makes me massage her every evening. Not what I had in mind when I heard of... white-collar jobs.

7. I was once a submissive together with another woman for a dominatrix. Well, that was until last week, when I decided to... cut my ties to her.

8. If a dominatrix has her martial arts instructor as her slave... during their training sessions, does he call her "mistress", or does she call him "master"?

9. Why do we see only German women playing dominatrix roles? German men that were into domination and tall boots were banned after WW2.

10. I went to the farm of a dominatrix. She has around 8 pony girls. When I got there, the ponygirls were all running on the railway, making "choo choo" noises. So that's what she meant when she said she wanted to... train her slaves.
 
Vladimir_Vladislav said:
Alright, here's a short collection of the worst BDSM jokes that I could come up with.

1. I went to this dominatrix the other day. I thought she'd come with a cage to lock my penis, but suddenly, she removes her top, revealing her breasts, and starts running around in circles, telling me "Catch me if you can!". As it turned out, she misheard me and thought I was into "chase titty".

2. A dominatrix was fired from her previous job, but was immediately hired by a demolition company. They've heard that she had experience with... wrecking balls.

3. Three officers in the navy were sent on a submarine. The moment they get down there, a woman cracks her whip and orders them to kneel. Turns out they were sent on a... sub mission.

4. What do you call a group of patriots that are into BDSM? Domi-nation.

5. How many slaves does a dominatrix need to change a lightbulb? Around 14. One of them was sitting there as a human stool, while the other 13 tried to change the lightbulb. And it's hard to tell the broken lightbulb from the new one when you're blindfolded.

6. My domina bought me a white leash and makes me massage her every evening. Not what I had in mind when I heard of... white-collar jobs.

7. I was once a submissive together with another woman for a dominatrix. Well, that was until last week, when I decided to... cut my ties to her.

8. If a dominatrix has her martial arts instructor as her slave... during their training sessions, does he call her "mistress", or does she call him "master"?

9. Why do we see only German women playing dominatrix roles? German men that were into domination and tall boots were banned after WW2.

10. I went to the farm of a dominatrix. She has around 8 pony girls. When I got there, the ponygirls were all running on the railway, making "choo choo" noises. So that's what she meant when she said she wanted to... train her slaves.
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BDSM dad jokes. A sure sign of the Apocalypse.
dadjoke.jpg
 
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