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Solitary - story of waiting

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"They can do whatever they want with me. They will beat me if they want... and if they want, they will feed me... but if they don't want to, they will stop leaving me food. No one will check it. I actually don't live for everyone anymore. I'm dead for all the people who knew me. I'm all alone and only this priest has something to do with me. It's almost like an afterlife. If I got out of here, it would be a miracle of resurrection... But there's no miracles on demand. You can only dream about them. I sit here and dream... about the fact that the people who locked me up and want to kill me actually have something else in mind. Hope is terribly stupid sometimes."
 

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"What if with these insults I really deprived myself of the opportunity to leave here? If they think I'm a rebel... incorrigible... and that's why they kill me, even though they didn't plan it in the beginning? Maybe they really don't know what to do with me? Maybe they would have let me go if I had obeyed. This priest didn't actually give any orders to beat me. The guards looked at him and he didn't say anything... He didn't forbid it... but maybe I just imagined that he was giving them some orders. Orders in secret signs... I imagine and I attack him with insults, but he could have released me if I had been more polite. What have I done really?"
 

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"I didn't even succeed in anything. They caught me at the very beginning, before I could do anything... They didn't do a trial. It looks like I just disappeared from the street. What if they really don't know what to do with me... and send me the priest to convince me... to surrender, be obedient... and then they will free me? But I'm waging some kind of sick war with him... Am I trying to kill myself? That would be... horrible stupid. I want to live!"
 

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"The Reverend keeps talking about fighting for my soul. And he keeps staring at my body, but that's just the way they behave. Even when they're free, they only think about boobs and the prohibitions related to them. They're idiots and I'm causing trouble. As if they'd let me go - there would be no problem. Maybe I should give up? If I really started asking for grace... He promises me grace... maybe he would keep his word... "
 

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"But I asked him several times if he could let me out of here. He denied it. And he promised mercy, demanded obedience, humility, trust... Common sense tells us: being locked in a dungeon, beaten and fed with some shit is the basis of trust. Who should you trust if not those with a club and a whip? After the last beating, I did not I could have put this rag on my back. It hurt too much. Now... it's better. Butthis rag fits better backwards. It fits the Reverend and his superiors: whatever they promise means something different than the promise itself. Priest promised various things, but not freedom. He kept talking about my freedom with contempt. But maybe that means he can set me free. Maybe I can convince him. I can't trust them, but I have no choice but... I don't want to die. I do not understand what happened. I was ready to die at any moment... Reconciled... And suddenly I began to fear death. After all, I practically don't live here... What happened to me? I'm scared."
 

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You write in a very illustrative way. Calmly and describing the feelings of the poor girl very well. I like it very much! I long for seeing her clothes being taken off, piece by piece, the thick bush standing out proud, and also seeing the upcoming torture executed. (If it’s talking place in modern times, electro would be nice!)

I tried to find the full story at Deviant Art but did not succeed. They have a rather messy system when it comes to finding stuff; I was directed to your work and saw some of the pics but how to find the story in full?
 
Thank you...
Solitary is more about bravery, opression and resistance, less about torture. So... she is beaten because she has opposite opinion... but "they" not torture her. In fact there was no interrogation, trial or judgement. That are things above her head, for "them" she is object, not subject of the case. Somewhere someone decide about her - maybe the Reverend or his boss... but nobody tells her what's going on. But... she can be sure that her not exactly defined "small rebellion" will be punished by death - even she doesn't know how and when. "They" like surprises... and cruelty, so it wil not be easy death.
And all the story beginning in the solitary and will be finished, when "They" take her from this place for execution.
Inspired by a lot of stories as movie "Quills", "Dialogues des carmelitans", illegal letters from nazi prisons written by people waiting for execution, partiallly Kafka's "Trial"... and partially by absurd stories told publicly by Catholic priests about the papal inquisition. So its more psychological than fetish. I want to make comics when I finish it.
But I'm preparing some stories more "in the theme" but I'm still working on my AI for according illustrations.
Well, maybe I'm not good positioned in DA :) First part is here: https://www.deviantart.com/williammarwoodai/art/Decision-01-1046556293
In each episode in link to first, next and previous episode in proper order.
 
- Where are you, Reverend? I thought you wanted to talk. Do not hide. Where are you?
- I am. It's enough. I can hear you.
- Can't you talk normally?
- About what? Have your screams ever been a normal conversation?
- You ordered to whipping me and you expect me to talk politely during the flogging?
- You're fantasizing.
- Bright. I fantasized and invented whips and punching in the face.
- We won't talk like that.
- Because you dictate the terms? What are you playing? Are you playing God? You are the God of this hole and you can do anything here?
- Don't blaspheme.
- I'm not blaspheming. I'm asking. I want to know who are you here?
- Servant of God.
- Bright. But for a servant, you have a lot to say. What can you do here? Tell me honestly, what depends on you?
- Insolence won't help you.
- That's true. Now I understand it. What will help me?
- Confess your sins. Repent.
- What do you call my sins? And this place... this confinement, this whole mess - isn't it penance yet? Not enough? How long are you keeping me here? How much time has passed? If you feel sorry for me, at least give me the date! If you don't want to give me soap, at least say this!
- What is this time compared to eternity?
- Well, maybe we'll switch places, since it doesn't matter? Wait... Do you want to keep me here forever? Answer! What do you want to do with me? Will you kill me or keep me here until I rot? Answer! Speak! Say something! Where did you go? I asked you!"
 

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"Hey, Reverend? I want to talk! Just talk! I won't yell at you or tease you! I have a few questions and I'll be nice! And look, you can stare at me if you like! I won't say anything bad to you! Just answer me a few questions! I want to know, am I doomed? Have you already judged me?"
 

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"Why are you silent, Reverend? I know you're there. You turned on the light to make me come! I'm here! Don't play with me! You called me! You call and you don't answer! It's the third time! You've won! Look, I'm on my knees! Just the way you like it and I'm not talking! Tell me what if I behave? Just tell me if you've already decided! Will there be any court? What day it is outside?"
 

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"Every few days he turned on the light three times in a row. I came and he didn't answer. I made a fool of myself, I asked him half-naked on my knees. He must have been staring... maybe he invited his friends... and he didn't answer."
 

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"I shouldn't deceive myself. I'm doomed to mercy and disgrace... They'll do whatever they want with me... They promise one thing, do another, call it something nice to make them feel good about the lie... They just want to kill me. First humiliate and then kill. Maybe quickly... maybe slowly... but certainly as they feel like. That's why all this talk about sin is so that they can say at any time that they would forgive it, but it's a sin and a sin is unforgivable."
 

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"The priest doesn't come anymore. He prefers to talk to me so that I can't hear where his voice comes from. He's doing good... I would shove his stories of spiritual care about me down his throat along with his teeth. I didn't expect much... I just wanted to know what if I humbled myself before them... Will they kill me or lock me up in a normal prison with people? He can at least tell me about the trial? Will there be such a thing at all? And I already know: he want only to break me down. It seems to me that they are watching me all the time. Maybe they're eavesdropping... I talk to myself too much. They can listen. And then they will do whatever they want with me. And they will have more pleasure. That's why all this talk about care, care and sin: it's not worth the piece of soap he don't gave me or even giving me the days from the calendar."
 

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- Welcome to my palace, Reverend... You haven't visited for a long time... My marks from the flogging have already faded... You probably regret it, I know how you like to see punishment for sins. But it's your fault. You haven't visited me for so long that they managed to give me another cloth to change into...
- What are you talking about?
- Never mind. Let's talk about something more interesting. What were you doing during this time? Were you satisfied with your power? Were you gloating over me? You have won a great spiritual victory: under your watch, a woman was beaten many times. You will have something to brag about to the authorities.
- You're impudent!
- Of course. That's why I'm here, isn't it? And that's why you visit me. That's why they beat me and then you check after to see if I've softened up. Are you going to answer my questions or just preach about the mortal sin of being myself?
 

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