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The Olympic Crux
- Thread starter thehangingtree
- Start date
Tree
Good night all. First heat wave in the Midwest and Tree needs to sleep so he doesn't wilt...
Tree
What, Ulrika? ...no he doesn't care about the Olympic athletes...
Tree
What, Ulrika? ...no he doesn't care about the Olympic athletes...
REUTERS/AP - It has just been announced that Jollyrei, the Canadian trainer for Barb's bid to be the top USA contender in the Olympic Crucifixion event, has suddenly resigned from the international training team and has taken on the position of trainer for a slave girl named Thessela. Jollyrei cited irreconcileable differences with the training strategy introduced recently by Ms. Joan Tree, who stunned the sporting world when she took over Barb's training strategy. Jollyrei had a few things to say about this, but they are unfortunately unprintable. We will have more as this story develops...
I, for one, have had enough of Joan Tree's commandeering of Barb's training regimen. I didn't work to become the foremost (and possibly only) Canadian Crux trainer just so that she could come and work out her issues with Barb. Meanwhile there are other athletes who could potentially benefit from my input, and I couldget turned on get a sense of accomplishment from training someone more personally. In this context, I am resigning my position as trainer for Barb's team.
Thessela has had her application in for a while, but is only getting the most basic of training, as a slave who has no choice. Well, she may have no choice, but I do. In this regard, I am picking up Thessela's option (she may not have choices, but she doesn't come cheap either), and will enter her as the Canadian athlete. I do this because 1) she has not plausibly denied having a Canadian grandmother who would qualify her to be crucified for Canada; and 2) being as she's now my slavegirl to train, that makes her pretty much the Canadian entry.
It's not going to be easy, I know. Compared to Porzia (Germany/Italy) and Barb (USA-International), she's a fair bit behind on her training with the seeding competition coming up. Time to get to work.
I know you can do it, Thessela! You know you have to do it. If that's not serendipity, I don't know what that is.
First off, our training will deal with Thessela's shyness in public, as well as building leg strength. A bit of hiking along gravel paths, frequented by groups of tourists will provide that authentic feeling of exposure in front of crowds.
We also need to make sure she can manage that cross carry through the stadium, so she practices with real crosses over various types of terrain. She should be able to carry a cross on both gravel and grass pitches, making her one of the most versatile girls out there this Olympics.
Finally we have the issue of endurance. We need to make sure she's able to take the heat. Rumour has it that the stadium in LA can be quite hot. But we have that covered. I'm making sure that Thessela has lots of practice taking the heat.
And just to make sure, and for that authentically Canadian experience, it never hurts to make sure she has the stamina and conditioning to be crucified in any and all severe climate conditions. With climate change upon us, you just never know.
So, it is with some wistfulness that I say farewell to my colleagues, Sir Wragg, Mr. Hondoboot, and Mr. Phlebas. It was great working with you gentlemen, but I believe Thessela can compete and, with a bit of training, I think she can win. I'm up for the challenge, and I simply can't work with Joan.
(And if any of you guys want to get away from her, Tash needs a traininer as well, I think.) 
Are you sure you know what you're doing? - Thessela
Of course. I am completely professional and on the case. You'll be great. Fantastic! Hot! Now, back to your endurance training. We have an event to win!
I guess I really have no choice at this point.
That's the spirit!
I, for one, have had enough of Joan Tree's commandeering of Barb's training regimen. I didn't work to become the foremost (and possibly only) Canadian Crux trainer just so that she could come and work out her issues with Barb. Meanwhile there are other athletes who could potentially benefit from my input, and I could
Thessela has had her application in for a while, but is only getting the most basic of training, as a slave who has no choice. Well, she may have no choice, but I do. In this regard, I am picking up Thessela's option (she may not have choices, but she doesn't come cheap either), and will enter her as the Canadian athlete. I do this because 1) she has not plausibly denied having a Canadian grandmother who would qualify her to be crucified for Canada; and 2) being as she's now my slavegirl to train, that makes her pretty much the Canadian entry.
It's not going to be easy, I know. Compared to Porzia (Germany/Italy) and Barb (USA-International), she's a fair bit behind on her training with the seeding competition coming up. Time to get to work.
I know you can do it, Thessela! You know you have to do it. If that's not serendipity, I don't know what that is.
First off, our training will deal with Thessela's shyness in public, as well as building leg strength. A bit of hiking along gravel paths, frequented by groups of tourists will provide that authentic feeling of exposure in front of crowds.
We also need to make sure she can manage that cross carry through the stadium, so she practices with real crosses over various types of terrain. She should be able to carry a cross on both gravel and grass pitches, making her one of the most versatile girls out there this Olympics.
Finally we have the issue of endurance. We need to make sure she's able to take the heat. Rumour has it that the stadium in LA can be quite hot. But we have that covered. I'm making sure that Thessela has lots of practice taking the heat.
And just to make sure, and for that authentically Canadian experience, it never hurts to make sure she has the stamina and conditioning to be crucified in any and all severe climate conditions. With climate change upon us, you just never know.
So, it is with some wistfulness that I say farewell to my colleagues, Sir Wragg, Mr. Hondoboot, and Mr. Phlebas. It was great working with you gentlemen, but I believe Thessela can compete and, with a bit of training, I think she can win.
I'm up for the challenge, and I simply can't work with Joan. (And if any of you guys want to get away from her, Tash needs a traininer as well, I think.) Are you sure you know what you're doing? - ThesselaOf course. I am completely professional and on the case. You'll be great. Fantastic! Hot! Now, back to your endurance training. We have an event to win!
I guess I really have no choice at this point.That's the spirit!
Oh, yes. I think so. It's conditioning. Now, pick up that cross there. We'll do, well, you will do 5 laps around the track with it, and then we can practice giving you water from a soaked sponge. If
Joan Tree is sorry about the professional differences that caused this departure. I am told it was strictly business and they parted friends...REUTERS/AP - It has just been announced that Jollyrei, the Canadian trainer for Barb's bid to be the top USA contender in the Olympic Crucifixion event, has suddenly resigned from the international training team and has taken on the position of trainer for a slave girl named Thessela. Jollyrei cited irreconcileable differences with the training strategy introduced recently by Ms. Joan Tree, who stunned the sporting world when she took over Barb's training strategy. Jollyrei had a few things to say about this, but they are unfortunately unprintable. We will have more as this story develops...
I, for one, have had enough of Joan Tree's commandeering of Barb's training regimen. I didn't work to become the foremost (and possibly only) Canadian Crux trainer just so that she could come and work out her issues with Barb. Meanwhile there are other athletes who could potentially benefit from my input, and I couldget turned onget a sense of accomplishment from training someone more personally. In this context, I am resigning my position as trainer for Barb's team.
Thessela has had her application in for a while, but is only getting the most basic of training, as a slave who has no choice. Well, she may have no choice, but I do. In this regard, I am picking up Thessela's option (she may not have choices, but she doesn't come cheap either), and will enter her as the Canadian athlete. I do this because 1) she has not plausibly denied having a Canadian grandmother who would qualify her to be crucified for Canada; and 2) being as she's now my slavegirl to train, that makes her pretty much the Canadian entry.
It's not going to be easy, I know. Compared to Porzia (Germany/Italy) and Barb (USA-International), she's a fair bit behind on her training with the seeding competition coming up. Time to get to work.
I know you can do it, Thessela! You know you have to do it. If that's not serendipity, I don't know what that is.
First off, our training will deal with Thessela's shyness in public, as well as building leg strength. A bit of hiking along gravel paths, frequented by groups of tourists will provide that authentic feeling of exposure in front of crowds.
View attachment 382082
We also need to make sure she can manage that cross carry through the stadium, so she practices with real crosses over various types of terrain. She should be able to carry a cross on both gravel and grass pitches, making her one of the most versatile girls out there this Olympics.
View attachment 382083 View attachment 382084
Finally we have the issue of endurance. We need to make sure she's able to take the heat. Rumour has it that the stadium in LA can be quite hot. But we have that covered. I'm making sure that Thessela has lots of practice taking the heat.
View attachment 382085
And just to make sure, and for that authentically Canadian experience, it never hurts to make sure she has the stamina and conditioning to be crucified in any and all severe climate conditions. With climate change upon us, you just never know.
View attachment 382086
So, it is with some wistfulness that I say farewell to my colleagues, Sir Wragg, Mr. Hondoboot, and Mr. Phlebas. It was great working with you gentlemen, but I believe Thessela can compete and, with a bit of training, I think she can win.
View attachment 382087 Are you sure you know what you're doing? - Thessela
Of course. I am completely professional and on the case. You'll be great. Fantastic! Hot! Now, back to your endurance training. We have an event to win!
View attachment 382088 I guess I really have no choice at this point.
That's the spirit!
When this news hit Los Vegas it shook up the odds on the Olympic crux...
Help Wanted: trainer for USA-Barb Olympic Women's Crucifixion competition teamDue to the
Qualifications: Tough-minded, good with a whip, experience with nails and hammers, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.
Apply here for an interview.
Plausible deniability! Libel! Slander! Did you see his face? Could you spot him in crowd? I don't think so.
He tries to dance around the truth. Meanwhile as has been the case with this whole Olympic Crux money has motivated much of this. In leaving American Gold Inc., Jollyrei issues an IPO of Canadian Crux stocks line his pockets. Thessela should not expect a trickle-down effect to her of his new-found wealth. But she is a salve and has no choice...Plausible deniability! Libel! Slander! Did you see his face? Could you spot him in crowd? I don't think so.
THT, Inc.'s business manager Ulrika prints off the ad and hands it to Tree. He reads it after finding his reading glasses then calls the undisclosed top secret training facility. He has to leave a message as she is in training still...
Tree
Phlebas comes out of the office to hand me a message ... it's garbled and difficult to concentrate on, given this is my seventh hour hanging on this training cross but I can see it's from someone who calls himself Tree and claims he holds some kind of certificate that makes him a master crucifixion technician. I know immediately by that piece of information, that this is the same Tree I just visited in Missouri (we won't mention here what I did to his car, or what he did to me in his bedroom). I shift my position on my training cross, helped by three lashes across my tummy delivered by Phlebas while he awaits my response to the message, then I croak through parched lips ... "set up an interview.!"
Sir Despard Wragg, one of Barbara Moore’s trainers and Chancellor Emeritus of the University of the Virgin Martyrs (this is a hint, remember it), and his cousin Sir B. Robert Wragg, media mogul and team captain of Dorothy Brown’s Olympic bid, have a friendly wager on which athlete will place higher in the final Olympic standings. If you could hear them talk you would think of Henry Higgins from ‘My Fair Lady’ bragging over who could do what with a lady.
While Despard is taking a more orthodox approach to training Robert takes a holistic approach emphasizing endurance over practice with Dorothy.
While Dorothy finds him quite more than adequate she insists she needs more vigorous training and convinces him to fly the Boys from Detroit over to assist. Like all the Wragg family B. Robert is tight with a Pound and sells the video rights to RR Entertainment to cover the costs.
Meanwhile suffering the setback of Jollyrei’s sudden departure (and the vast knowledge of the team’s training regiment) combined with the utterly compliant newfound ‘Canadian’ slave Thessela causes concern within American Gold camp. Despard reluctantly allows Ms. Moore to interview T. H. Tree. What Barb doesn’t know is…
Sorry, I’m up to my keystroke limit…
T
While Despard is taking a more orthodox approach to training Robert takes a holistic approach emphasizing endurance over practice with Dorothy.
While Dorothy finds him quite more than adequate she insists she needs more vigorous training and convinces him to fly the Boys from Detroit over to assist. Like all the Wragg family B. Robert is tight with a Pound and sells the video rights to RR Entertainment to cover the costs.
Meanwhile suffering the setback of Jollyrei’s sudden departure (and the vast knowledge of the team’s training regiment) combined with the utterly compliant newfound ‘Canadian’ slave Thessela causes concern within American Gold camp. Despard reluctantly allows Ms. Moore to interview T. H. Tree. What Barb doesn’t know is…
Sorry, I’m up to my keystroke limit…
T
Hondoboot2
QUAESTOR PULCHRITUDINIS
Good luck Jollyrei my good man. No hard feelings here, if your heart tells you to train Thessela, then follow your heart. I understand not wanting to work with JoanREUTERS/AP - It has just been announced that Jollyrei, the Canadian trainer for Barb's bid to be the top USA contender in the Olympic Crucifixion event, has suddenly resigned from the international training team and has taken on the position of trainer for a slave girl named Thessela. Jollyrei cited irreconcileable differences with the training strategy introduced recently by Ms. Joan Tree, who stunned the sporting world when she took over Barb's training strategy. Jollyrei had a few things to say about this, but they are unfortunately unprintable. We will have more as this story develops...
I, for one, have had enough of Joan Tree's commandeering of Barb's training regimen. I didn't work to become the foremost (and possibly only) Canadian Crux trainer just so that she could come and work out her issues with Barb. Meanwhile there are other athletes who could potentially benefit from my input, and I couldget turned onget a sense of accomplishment from training someone more personally. In this context, I am resigning my position as trainer for Barb's team.
Thessela has had her application in for a while, but is only getting the most basic of training, as a slave who has no choice. Well, she may have no choice, but I do. In this regard, I am picking up Thessela's option (she may not have choices, but she doesn't come cheap either), and will enter her as the Canadian athlete. I do this because 1) she has not plausibly denied having a Canadian grandmother who would qualify her to be crucified for Canada; and 2) being as she's now my slavegirl to train, that makes her pretty much the Canadian entry.
It's not going to be easy, I know. Compared to Porzia (Germany/Italy) and Barb (USA-International), she's a fair bit behind on her training with the seeding competition coming up. Time to get to work.
I know you can do it, Thessela! You know you have to do it. If that's not serendipity, I don't know what that is.
First off, our training will deal with Thessela's shyness in public, as well as building leg strength. A bit of hiking along gravel paths, frequented by groups of tourists will provide that authentic feeling of exposure in front of crowds.
View attachment 382082
We also need to make sure she can manage that cross carry through the stadium, so she practices with real crosses over various types of terrain. She should be able to carry a cross on both gravel and grass pitches, making her one of the most versatile girls out there this Olympics.
View attachment 382083 View attachment 382084
Finally we have the issue of endurance. We need to make sure she's able to take the heat. Rumour has it that the stadium in LA can be quite hot. But we have that covered. I'm making sure that Thessela has lots of practice taking the heat.
View attachment 382085
And just to make sure, and for that authentically Canadian experience, it never hurts to make sure she has the stamina and conditioning to be crucified in any and all severe climate conditions. With climate change upon us, you just never know.
View attachment 382086
So, it is with some wistfulness that I say farewell to my colleagues, Sir Wragg, Mr. Hondoboot, and Mr. Phlebas. It was great working with you gentlemen, but I believe Thessela can compete and, with a bit of training, I think she can win.
View attachment 382087 Are you sure you know what you're doing? - Thessela
Of course. I am completely professional and on the case. You'll be great. Fantastic! Hot! Now, back to your endurance training. We have an event to win!
View attachment 382088 I guess I really have no choice at this point.
That's the spirit!
Really, Hondo???Good luck Jollyrei my good man. No hard feelings here, if your heart tells you to train Thessela, then follow your heart. I understand not wanting to work with Joan
It's not what I am hearing...
T
I almost though you said "My good man" and was going to take offense!!! As for 'is nothing sacred?'; yes I believe in the Church of the Gooey Death and Discount House of Worship. What's your point???Good God, man. Is nothing sacred?
(I mean, of course, the privacy of your sister. I personally don't know what else we could be talking about.)
Tree
At the University of the Virgin Martyrs (UVM) Joan Tree convinces Chancellor Emeritus Despard Wragg to be a guest lecturer and present their own Barbara Moore (whose venture into the Olympics they are helping to fund).
He cannot refuse her request…
“I want this bitch to suffer. Can you believe she fired me and wants to hire my brother?” Joan demands.
Despard says “I can’t worry about that old prick. What do you want from me?”
“What makes you think I want anything?” Joan asks.
“You don’t put out for me usually, Joan” Despard replies.
“I’m guest lecturing at that cunt’s class. I want to show her in class!” Joan says.
“Will it interfere with her training?” Despard asks. “I have a large sum of money riding on her!”
“You really bet a dollar on her?”
“No! I put down a full Pound!” Despard replies.
“My, what a big stretch for you” Joan says.
Tree
He cannot refuse her request…
“I want this bitch to suffer. Can you believe she fired me and wants to hire my brother?” Joan demands.
Despard says “I can’t worry about that old prick. What do you want from me?”
“What makes you think I want anything?” Joan asks.
“You don’t put out for me usually, Joan” Despard replies.
“I’m guest lecturing at that cunt’s class. I want to show her in class!” Joan says.
“Will it interfere with her training?” Despard asks. “I have a large sum of money riding on her!”
“You really bet a dollar on her?”
“No! I put down a full Pound!” Despard replies.
“My, what a big stretch for you” Joan says.
Tree
Meanwhile Thessela is training harder than she thought she could. The weather was warming up and she found carrying the training cross around was a little hard on her system. The Canadian press was keen to see who their new star athlete was and sent a reporter to interview her. They followed her around the track asking her questions about the training and her hopes for the competition.
Her responses demonstrated her total focus and dedication:
Almost immediately, she was asked to do her first big product endorsement with one of Canada's leading sport clothing firms to promote a new line in athletic crux loincloths.
Every girl in Canada is going to want a beaver down...
"Hey!"
Still, it's easy to get distracted by all the glamour associated with being an Olympic athlete. We do need to keep focus on key training elements. For example, how well does she take pain? Probably not that well. We'll have to do some training to build up her pain threshold.
"Pain!? Oh!" - Thessela
It's a tough competition and practice makes perfect. Let's see. We can't actually nail you to anything until the event. It's a tricky thing.
"So, Ms. Thessela, how are you finding the training so far? Do you think you have a shot at a podium finish?"
Her responses demonstrated her total focus and dedication:
Thessela: (puff, puff)
The country was almost certain to be behind her all the way. Almost immediately, she was asked to do her first big product endorsement with one of Canada's leading sport clothing firms to promote a new line in athletic crux loincloths.
Every girl in Canada is going to want a beaver down...
"Hey!"
Still, it's easy to get distracted by all the glamour associated with being an Olympic athlete. We do need to keep focus on key training elements. For example, how well does she take pain? Probably not that well. We'll have to do some training to build up her pain threshold.
"Pain!? Oh!"
- ThesselaIt's a tough competition and practice makes perfect.
Let's see. We can't actually nail you to anything until the event. It's a tricky thing.
Meanwhile suffering the setback of Jollyrei’s sudden departure (and the vast knowledge of the team’s training regiment) combined with the utterly compliant newfound ‘Canadian’ slave Thessela causes concern within American Gold camp. Despard reluctantly allows Ms. Moore to interview T. H. Tree. What Barb doesn’t know is…
Set for 9 am tomorrow .... Be there!!! And don't forget to bring your resume and credentials ... I am a very tough interviewer ...
“I want this bitch to suffer. Can you believe she fired me and wants to hire my brother?” Joan demands.
At last I got her goat .... doing victory laps tonight!!!!!
Set for 9 am tomorrow .... Be there!!! And don't forget to bring your resume and credentials ... I am a very tough interviewer ... “I want this bitch to suffer. Can you believe she fired me and wants to hire my brother?” Joan demands.
At last I got her goat .... doing victory laps tonight!!!!!