“DILLLLLLAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!” I yelled, as nerves and arteries were severed by the nail. “DILLLLAAA!!! I’M SORRRRRRYYYYYYYY!!!!!”
Then the slaves were bending my knees, and the carnifex was expert enough to drive the nails cleanly through my heels. Not that it hurt any less.
I remember being begged not to raise the cross. I knew now there was nothing I could do or say to avoid it being raised, and then I’d be hanging from those nails. Knowing it was coming made it no easier. There was a minute of respite of a sorts while they nailed the sign above my head, but then I was moving. I saw Diana up there already, and then I was above her, and a tiny fraction of a second of weightlessness before the cross smashed into the bottom of its socket.
I was incoherent with agony. I knew how to hang, but I couldn’t. My wrists and heels were ablaze with pain. Utter and complete agony totally overwhemed me. I was faintly aware of the carnifex watching me, with evident satisfaction. Diana was also looking in my direction.
Eventually I forced myself to hang still. It took a monumental amount of determination, because neither my wrists nor my shoulders approved of this decision, and their protests were hard to ignore.
“Welcome… to…. Hell, Aulus,” Diana panted. “Now… you.. know.”
I did know. I told myself that it was some kind of poetic justice that I should die like this But a death like this was hard to justify.
“AAAAARGH!!!” yelled Diana. “HOW… HOW CAN I BE… HERE…. AGAIN???”
“I…. don’t think… I….can get…. you down, this time, Diana.”
She tried to bang her head on the cross. That never worked. She should have remembered that. Such violent movements are unbelievably painful. I looked up. The sky was cloudy again. The weather warm.
She saw me looking. “The day… after… tomorrow?”
“Yes.”
“Do you… regret… getting… us down?”
I’d pondered that since hearing the word ‘crucifixion’ yesterday.
“If… Dilla… escapes this…. Then no.” Hanging here, helpless, watching them crucify Dilla? I couldn’t have borne that.
I looked across at Diana. “But… it would… have been better….if…. if… they hadn’t…. caught you. It…. was…. Bad enough… going… through this… once.”
“It’s… a… nightmare. A… fucking… nightmare.”
It was no dream for me. But I had only my imagination to forewarn me. Diana had known perfectly well what this day would bring. And now she had to start her long wait for the cross to kill her over again.
But time has no meaning on a cross. My world was pain and humiliation, as minute stretched into minute. Soon you have barely any recollection of a time when you weren’t stretched out naked on a cross, when your limbs were free to move and not skewered to a piece of old timber.
Yes, Diana was there, suffering as I was, but you can’t chat to pass the time. Every word is an effort.
The day wore on. The spectators got bored – even of Diana – and left. The soldiers, though under strict orders not to allow any rescue attempt, nevertheless withdrew to the ramparts of the city wall. Diana and I were, to all intents and purposes, alone.
Diana looked around to check there was no-one in earshot.
“I… don’t want…. To worry you…. Aulus.”
She was trying to push up on one leg, her right heel shattered, and pull herself up by her arms. What a fight she was having – just to breathe! But you have to breathe – even though there’s nothing to live for, you cannot just hand and suffocate. She whimpered as she fought, then took in some precious breaths of air, and then was forced to scream as she dropped back onto her outstretched arms.
“That… fucking…. Roman… gave up… too easily.”
I knew what she meant. “Your sign… I painted it. They…. kept them. There’s…. one… for…. Dilla. And…. Emil.”
It was at least a minute before she replied. “I… hope… they stay… away… from… farm!”
“Gods… yes!”
The thought had occurred to me the instant I’d seen my old sign around her neck. If only I could warn Dilla! I prayed that one of them would see the danger and keep away from that farm!
Hour succeeded agony-filled hour. I shut my eyes, praying for this to end. Then I felt a bump, and there was the carnifex up his ladder beside me.
“Water for you.” He announced. “Drink.”
He tipped his flask into my mouth and I drank greedily. I knew it would prolong my time crucified but I gulped as much down as he would give me.
He took it away. “Thank… you.” I managed.
“It’ll keep you going…” he grunted.
Then he was gone, and I watched him doing the same for Diana. When water started dripping from her chin, he stopped.
He gathered up his ladder and I watched him disappearing into the gathering twilight.
“I… hope Dilla… won’t mind.” I said.
“What?”
“Looks like… you and I… are going… to spend the night… together… in the nude.”
I suppose it was a joke, of sorts. It didn’t impress Diana.
“Scumbag.”
The night was as bad as the day, only colder. Not cold enough to kill, but cold enough to be really uncomfortable. Shivering on a cross is not enjoyable, and you are so helpless. I ached for the warmth of my hut, now gutted, or for the warmth of Dilla’s embrace. I ached for one last touch from Dilla, while at the same time praying that she would never again come to this place.
With agonising slowness the night passed, and when daylight came I saw Diana slumped on her cross. She was ashen grey.
“Diana?”
I fought up my cross for a breath. “DIANA! Don’t… leave me… on… my own!”
Slowly her head turned to me. She could barely whisper. “Thank… you… for my…extra… year.”
Those were Diana’s last words. She lived for a few minutes longer, then her breathing stopped. I was alone. I prayed for her soul.
The carnifex came up with more water. I drank again. “I think… Diana… is dead.”
“Looks like it,” he agreed. He climbed up and felt her neck for a pulse. “Yep. You’re on your own, matey. That thief over there is gone, too. See you later.”
I watched him go. I hung there on that infernal cross, and sobbed like a baby. The strength of my grief for Diana overwhelmed me. I could not understand it. I had not loved her and she certainly hadn’t loved me. Her scumbag. Maybe it was my own pain and loss. Maybe the sight of that magnificent woman hanging dead beside me with drying bloodstains reminded me that I too was about to die. Even on a cross you cannot accept your own mortality.
I watched occasional passers by on the road below. Few spared me a second glance. I watched as crows began to settle on the thief, and I was glad that I had enough breath left in me to shoo them away from Diana’s crucified corpse.
I watched an old lady making painful progress out of the city. She, too, was leaning on a stick. For a moment I thought it was Zelda, but this lady was slimmer than Zelda. Then she turned off the road, and began heading in my direction.
She came to a stand in front of Diana’s cross. She reached out and put a hand on Diana’s leg, and I heard a voice.
“Oh! She’s cold!”
“Dilla! No!.... Get….away… from… here!”
She lifted her head and I could see her tear-streaked face.
“She… she was like a mother to me!”
“I know.”
“Aulus… I had to come. We didn’t say goodbye!”
I could see the Roman on sentry duty on the battlements looking intently this way. Wondering if this ‘old woman’ was a threat.
“Dilla!” I seized my chance. “You must…. stay… away… from the… farm!”
“It’s our home. We’re going to rebuild it. Have you seen the size of the empire? Where can we go to be safe from fucking Romans?”
“Oh… gods… Dilla… please! I don’t… want.. you back… up here!”
“Aulus, I love you! How am I going to live without you?”
“I’ll be…. with you… Dilla. By…your side… in the day… in the night. I…will always… love you, Dilla.”
“I will love you for ever, Aulus. I am expecting another baby.”
“Yes. I’m…. glad.”
“If he’s a boy, I’ll call him Aulus. If she’s a girl, I’ll call her Diana.”
I just managed to nod. I was weeping again, too. I didn’t want her to stay, and I didn’t want her to go.
She bent forwards, and kissed my bloodied foot. “Goodbye, Aulus.”
“Goodbye… my love.”
To my relief, the sentry had decided on an easy life, and was no longer watching her. An old man, who only I recognised as Emil, came out of the gate and met her. For a few minutes they talked, and they embraced. He looked in this direction, but Dilla had obviously persuaded him not to come up here. They went off, supporting each other, and I watched until I could see her no longer.
“Please, gods, keep her safe!” I prayed.
My pain ceased along with my life just before dawn the next morning. I had, just, lived until the ‘day after tomorrow.’
Diana was there. “Hi, Scumbag. Jump down – you don’t have to stay up there now!”
I dropped gently to the ground. I had no pain.
“Sorry I left you early, I ran out of life.” She smiled at me. It was a long time since I’d seen her smile. I hugged her, and held her tight.
“This can’t be real, Diana. We’re dead. But you feel real to me.”
“I can’t really explain it. It’s just a different kind of life!”
I took her hand, and we rose into the air, following a black cloaked figure.
“You’ll never believe what he’s called,” laughed Diana. “He’s the Angel of Death and we all call him ‘Jolly’.”
“Where’s he taking us, Diana?”
“Home. He heard your promise to Dilla, and he thought it was sweet. So I can stay with Emil, and you can stay with Dilla. For all eternity.”
‘Jolly’ waited for us to catch up. “You can be their guardian angels. They are going to need guarding.”
I needn’t have worried about the Romans. They were the source of enormous and ongoing entertainment. Jolly tipped us off that the Romans were on their way about a week after our crucifixion. I took great pleasure from suddenly materialising in front of the centurion’s horse, and shouting ‘YAH!’ which it heard, but he didn’t. He landed with a highly satisfactory ‘splosh’ in the ditch which he’d previously considered fit for me to drink.
So Diana and I haunted merrily until those Romans were utterly terrified of this corner of Noricum, and Dilla and Emil lived peacefully for many years. And every evening Dilla told me about her day, and I told her what fun Diana and I had had haunting Romans. She knew I was there, she told me so. We’d chat until she fell asleep in my arms. She couldn’t feel my arms, but they were there nonetheless.
So there I was, thirty years later, still admiring Dilla’s breasts, and still enjoying her company. I’d stayed by her side while they rebuilt the farm, as our children grew into adults and began families of their own.
Emil had joined Diana a couple of years ago, and tonight, Jolly had told me, Dilla was coming to me. I held onto her as she slept, and, all of a sudden, she gave a little shudder and her breathing stopped. She opened her eyes and looked at me.
“You are here!”
“Did you ever doubt it?”
“No, never.”
We kissed and we made love for the first time in over thirty years, and, to this day, locals and tourists alike tell of a group of young people laughing and dancing among the hills and mountains of the Salzkammergut.
If you should see us, give a cheery wave to the Slaves of Atticus Lucius Tiburcus and me, and bid us grüß Gott !
THE END