Naraku
Draconarius
Never under estimate the power of a fish:I keep thinking I’m the King.. and then I remember that’s in @thehangingtree ’s story, and here I’m just some geezer who pokes people with a fish.
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The Trial of Barbaria1
- Thread starter Barbaria1
- Start date
Harsh Martinet
Consul
I do have a certain reputation to uphold 
too right garrison Sargent major you look at this man wrong and your life is over as you know it, in the British military he is a god-like creature
Fossy
SEXPIOGENTUS
"Hmmmmm," says I, leaning momentarily on one of the more blunt parts of the ancient pike, "I wonder if @bobinder remembered to renew the annual support contract on the CCTV we had installed around the town square last year, if so ..."
Wonderful stuff as always Barb and now that really was a twist at the end, though I'm sure it will only work against your already precarious situation ...
8.
“A great calamity has befallen us,” wails @Loinclothslave .”
“What? My good man. What the Devil are you talking about?” snaps @Wragg as he catches up to those near the head of the phalanx.
“I mean, not only has someone sawn off the town whipping post and carted it away, but they’ve done the same to all the crosses on Crucifixion Hill.”
“It appears to be even worse than that,” observes @bobinder . “ I’ve just learned that the whole of Cruxton Forest has been laid waste by some mysterious force!”
“Who would do such a dastardly thing?” muses @wulf .
“Barb’s rebel band, no doubt,” mutters @Loxuru . “They’ll all pay for this outrage someday. We need to round them up and crucify the lot.”
“You know what this means, though, for now?” observes @montycrusto . “We’ve no immediate means of whipping and crucifying Barbaria1”
“And after a charge of guilty for causing the Great Crash of 2013 has finally been won!” rhymes @twonines .
“Truly a dark calamitous day. Such a disappointment,” laments @Jollyrei
“And what’s worse …” observes @Harsh Martinet , “Our only recourse now if we wish to carry out Barbaria’s sentence is to pay an exorbitant premium for an emergency rush shipment of French premium wood.”
“Like everything else, it will never get here in time and will cost a fortune, thanks to Brexit,” grumbles @old slave .
“That’s what you Brits get for not stocking in a reserve supply of good Arkansas pine,” scoffs @thehangingtree .
“Decidedly inferior quality that,” scoffs @messaline . “Arkansas pine is known to rot in less than a month.
“Does this mean I go free?” says Barb.
“Not if we can help it,” retorts @phlebas .
TBC
“A great calamity has befallen us,” wails @Loinclothslave .”
“What? My good man. What the Devil are you talking about?” snaps @Wragg as he catches up to those near the head of the phalanx.
“I mean, not only has someone sawn off the town whipping post and carted it away, but they’ve done the same to all the crosses on Crucifixion Hill.”
“It appears to be even worse than that,” observes @bobinder . “ I’ve just learned that the whole of Cruxton Forest has been laid waste by some mysterious force!”
“Who would do such a dastardly thing?” muses @wulf .
“Barb’s rebel band, no doubt,” mutters @Loxuru . “They’ll all pay for this outrage someday. We need to round them up and crucify the lot.”
“You know what this means, though, for now?” observes @montycrusto . “We’ve no immediate means of whipping and crucifying Barbaria1”
“And after a charge of guilty for causing the Great Crash of 2013 has finally been won!” rhymes @twonines .
“Truly a dark calamitous day. Such a disappointment,” laments @Jollyrei
“And what’s worse …” observes @Harsh Martinet , “Our only recourse now if we wish to carry out Barbaria’s sentence is to pay an exorbitant premium for an emergency rush shipment of French premium wood.”
“Like everything else, it will never get here in time and will cost a fortune, thanks to Brexit,” grumbles @old slave .
“That’s what you Brits get for not stocking in a reserve supply of good Arkansas pine,” scoffs @thehangingtree .
“Decidedly inferior quality that,” scoffs @messaline . “Arkansas pine is known to rot in less than a month.
“Does this mean I go free?” says Barb.
“Not if we can help it,” retorts @phlebas .
TBC
Fossy
SEXPIOGENTUS
How long is 'in time'? Given that it is clear without any shadow of a doubt that Barb (and her band of merry women) is responsible for this outrageous act of deforestation, and that she is currently in custody, the guilty miscreant should be made to wait for the arrival of said wood order with her legs astride a sharp wooden pointed wedge, her ankles weighted down and her breasts clamped. Of course it goes without saying that her wrists would be bound behind her back thrusting her firm breasts outwards, and her frequently abusive mouth gagged with a large, thick cock-gag ... That way any delays in the arrival of the shipment from France would at least provide continued entertainment for the wise group of sages from Cruxton Council.
It’s ok everyone, she can borrow my shackles for the whipping, we can just hammer some bolts into the ground to secure the recalcitrant bitch on her knees. And it’s a convenient position to suck and swallow
Ruined my favourite whipping post she and her rebels did, dirty scum!
Ruined my favourite whipping post she and her rebels did, dirty scum!
Well no mercy will be forthcoming from either of these two. That’s apparent!
Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
Massive deforestation! That makes Barb not only guilty of the Crash of 2013, but also of having started global warming!
Let's round them all up, and crucify them TWICE!
M
montycrusto
Guest
May I suggest 5,000 year old Welsh Yew, like this incredible tree I visited this morning!
That should serve both as whipping-post AND cross for @Barbaria1
Are Yew sure about that, Monty? It looks way too old and tough to drive nails into … even nails hand-sharpened by @thehangingtree.May I suggest 5,000 year old Welsh Yew, like this incredible tree I visited this morning!
That should serve both as whipping-post AND cross for @Barbaria1
And at 5,000 years, that tree has to be nearly as old as @old slave .
Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
Adding contempt to the judge of your trial to the accusations!
old slave
FELIS RESPICIENS
"For contempt ofAdding contempt to the judge of your trial to the accusations!
"Take it apart, men, and use the timber to make a new whipping post and cross. Then light a fire with the rest and boil some water, I could just use a nice cup of tea"
Or we could call Sheffield, maybe they could cast us an iron whipping post from the world-famous Sheffield steel in a short time. I wouldn't have an iron cross made though, lest Barb think we're trying to give her a huge medal
Adding contempt to the judge of your trial to the accusations!
Shit! These bozos are proving to be far Moore inventive than anticipated.