I hate to admit this.....
......but I thought that was extremely funny
(I've shown already that I love a shaggy dog story)
-
Sign up or login, and you'll have full access to opportunities of forum.
Now This Just Isn't Funny
- Thread starter admihoek
- Start date
......but I thought that was extremely funny
(I've shown already that I love a shaggy dog story)
sympazero2
Cruciformae Studiosus
Thongs?
You're welcome.
old slave
FELIS RESPICIENS
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home.
As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the
guy starts feeling a little horny.
With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and
smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you have sex with me?"
Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" he asks, grinning at her.
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"
"No way. It's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much!"
"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
"No, no. I just can't"
"I'm begging you..."
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on and the girl's older
sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair disheveled and in a sleepy voice,
she says:
"Dad says to go ahead and have sex with him, or I can do it... Or if
need be Mom says she can come down herself and do it. But for God's
sake, tell him to take his hand off the intercom!"
As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the
guy starts feeling a little horny.
With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and
smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you have sex with me?"
Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" he asks, grinning at her.
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"
"No way. It's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much!"
"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
"No, no. I just can't"
"I'm begging you..."
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on and the girl's older
sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair disheveled and in a sleepy voice,
she says:
"Dad says to go ahead and have sex with him, or I can do it... Or if
need be Mom says she can come down herself and do it. But for God's
sake, tell him to take his hand off the intercom!"
andy01
Magistrate
A friend of mine was in Dublin recently, and was told a story about a small advertising agency there. The great international conglomerate Wilsons’s Nails had decided to focus its latest publicity on its origins in 1843 as a small factory producing nails in Wisconsin. In keeping with this image, the company had decided to use not one of the slick international agencies but a small, relatively unknown agency, and had announced a competition for the work.
Ryan and Connelly knew it was a long shot, but if it came off it would make their fortune, and they put everything they had into it, working 24/7, and turned up at the company’s headquarters with high hopes.
As the smallest of the competitors they were the last to make their presentation to the vice-president for public relations. It was a video of an ancient city’s streets, crowded with stalls and people. A subtitle announced “Jerusalem, Easter, 33 AD”. It tracked through the streets, through the gate, towards a dusty hill in the distance, angelic music rising. It closed in on three figures, men in loincloths handing on crosses, and then right in close to a nailed hand. As the music ended, a voice-over urged the listeners: “For those really important jobs, use Wilson’s Nails.”
The vice-president hit the roof. Wilsons’s Nails was a mid-West company,bedded in Christian history. The president was a born-again Christian. Their most important customers were born-again Christians. The religious right was on a high. And Connelly wanted an advert that implied Wilson’s Nails were used for the crucifixion!
Connelly did a U-turn. Noo, no, no, of course he realised they had made a horrible mistake, and was truly grateful to the VP for showing him the error of his ways. But if they’d only give the company a second chance, they would, he guaranteed, come up with something completely different. As for this trial, it was a dreadful mistake, but after all the VP had to admit it was memorable. Give them a month and Ryan and Connelly would come up with something just as memorable, but with a utterly opposite theme.
And he got away with it. In the end the VP agreed, and next month Ryan and Connelly returned triumphant, with “exactly what you want, just like you explained it to us”. They turned on the video.
It showed an ancient city’s streets, crowded with stalls and people, and the VP’s eyes started to bulge.
“No, no,” said Ryan. “We had to use some of the same footage that’s all, but the message is just the opposite. You’ll see!”
The camera panned through the city gates, up the road towards Golgotha, but suddenly there appeared a bearded man in a loincloth, hotly pursued by two Roman soldiers. As he sprinted past, the camera briefly showed the holes in his hands and feet where he had torn himself down from the cross.
The soldiers in their heavy armour gave up the chase and stood gasping in exhaustion. Then one of them looked gloomily at the other. “You see,” he said reproachfully. “I told you we should have used Wilson’s Nails.”
Ryan and Connelly knew it was a long shot, but if it came off it would make their fortune, and they put everything they had into it, working 24/7, and turned up at the company’s headquarters with high hopes.
As the smallest of the competitors they were the last to make their presentation to the vice-president for public relations. It was a video of an ancient city’s streets, crowded with stalls and people. A subtitle announced “Jerusalem, Easter, 33 AD”. It tracked through the streets, through the gate, towards a dusty hill in the distance, angelic music rising. It closed in on three figures, men in loincloths handing on crosses, and then right in close to a nailed hand. As the music ended, a voice-over urged the listeners: “For those really important jobs, use Wilson’s Nails.”
The vice-president hit the roof. Wilsons’s Nails was a mid-West company,bedded in Christian history. The president was a born-again Christian. Their most important customers were born-again Christians. The religious right was on a high. And Connelly wanted an advert that implied Wilson’s Nails were used for the crucifixion!
Connelly did a U-turn. Noo, no, no, of course he realised they had made a horrible mistake, and was truly grateful to the VP for showing him the error of his ways. But if they’d only give the company a second chance, they would, he guaranteed, come up with something completely different. As for this trial, it was a dreadful mistake, but after all the VP had to admit it was memorable. Give them a month and Ryan and Connelly would come up with something just as memorable, but with a utterly opposite theme.
And he got away with it. In the end the VP agreed, and next month Ryan and Connelly returned triumphant, with “exactly what you want, just like you explained it to us”. They turned on the video.
It showed an ancient city’s streets, crowded with stalls and people, and the VP’s eyes started to bulge.
“No, no,” said Ryan. “We had to use some of the same footage that’s all, but the message is just the opposite. You’ll see!”
The camera panned through the city gates, up the road towards Golgotha, but suddenly there appeared a bearded man in a loincloth, hotly pursued by two Roman soldiers. As he sprinted past, the camera briefly showed the holes in his hands and feet where he had torn himself down from the cross.
The soldiers in their heavy armour gave up the chase and stood gasping in exhaustion. Then one of them looked gloomily at the other. “You see,” he said reproachfully. “I told you we should have used Wilson’s Nails.”
old slave
FELIS RESPICIENS
How to turn men on
Did You Know This About Leather Dresses?
When a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his
throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think
irrationally ?
Ever wonder why?
It's because she smells like a new car.
Did You Know This About Leather Dresses?
When a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his
throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think
irrationally ?
Ever wonder why?
It's because she smells like a new car.
sympazero2
Cruciformae Studiosus
Had lunch at an interesting restaurant today
They had two posters on the wall...
(West Hollywood, what do you expect)
They had two posters on the wall...
(West Hollywood, what do you expect)
sympazero2
Cruciformae Studiosus
That's it! I'm never using that Travel Agent again!
Ego Stipes Ergo Sum
Last edited by a moderator:
Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
The fine print once more, I figure. On the vouchers this time. What happens when you always arrive late and cause delay to the programme.
Tricia
Governor
Is that what it is? Now I might have to put on my leather today and use my other leather to make my husband confess!!!
old slave
FELIS RESPICIENS
IMPORTANT: THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL POST. IF ANYTHING OFFENDS YOU, SUBSTITUTE OTHER NAMES. OTHER POLITICIANS ARE AVAILABLE.
Hilary Clinton decided to send Donald Trump a letter to let him know
how she felt about him.
Trump opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line handwritten coded message
370HSSV 0773H
Trump was baffled, so he e-mailed it to his wife and his children.
Mrs.Trump and the children had no clue either, so they sent it to the
FBI.
No one could solve it at the FBI or CIA.
Trump was going to send it to the KGB but his advisors were frightened what this would do to his image so they eventually asked Britain's MI6 for help.
Within minutes, MI6 cabled this reply: "Tell Mr Trump that he is
holding the message upside down."
