I don't think it is the minor problem of the dead (people get over that all the time just look around here) more the broken bones
Daddy's Boy kind of dodged that one for all his middle aged tantrums
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The Chronicle Of Sir Rupert And The Lost Cross
- Thread starter Wragg
- Start date
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- original story
you can get next day delivery, but it costs an arm and a leg
malins
Stumbling Seeker
Well it looks like I might get lucky, but ...
... if I want Pilus on next day delivery, so he can, uh, deliver me, and it'll cost me an arm and a leg, ummm I guess Kibonreju won't even really need a cross to nail me on, a simple post is enough.
It would be really unkind if they took the arm and leg both from the same side. The undignified flopping. Immortality curses should really be summarily banned, they're just unfair. I've been petitioning for their abolition since before time began
Well it looks like I might get lucky, but ...
... if I want Pilus on next day delivery, so he can, uh, deliver me, and it'll cost me an arm and a leg, ummm I guess Kibonreju won't even really need a cross to nail me on, a simple post is enough.
It would be really unkind if they took the arm and leg both from the same side. The undignified flopping. Immortality curses should really be summarily banned, they're just unfair. I've been petitioning for their abolition since before time began
The replies to this thread have me in a state of continuous laughter....
How's a chap supposed to write a story when he's forever giggling?
RacingRodent
Consul
How's a chap supposed to write a story when he's forever giggling?
We all know who can help with that
malins
Stumbling Seeker
I do understand that proper 'division of labor' is essential in such an enterprise but... oh well, whatever, I scream, you giggle.
Gulp!
I'm writing! Honest! I'm writing!
RacingRodent
Consul
Stop encouraging Kibonreju
Or I may have to breath in some of Malins's ashes and look what you get then
Repertor
Artifex Imaginum
More respect for Wragg! He is a chroniclerView attachment 319252, not your mount!
That will be worse than a rodeo on a wild bull.
Repertor will have to fix some bones again.
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RacingRodent
Consul
Some say he was hiding from Kathy Bates, some say he was inspired by Malins's idea of division of labour but we all know him as Wragg
Wragg and Roland were using rather more conventional horses which they’d tethered out of sight. They were making good their escape from Kibonreju’s den. Barb and Wragg were on one horse, and Roland on another, as they headed for the spot where they’d planned to meet Repertor and the others.
“Ye Gods!” said Roland, watching events unfold. “They’ve got flying horses!”
Wragg and Barb followed his pointing finger. “What’s happening?” Barb had spent hundreds of years in a cave, sunlight was still painful.
“There’s some kind of firefight going on, YES!!!!” Wragg raised his fist in triumph as a horse tumbled from the sky.
“Oh, look! They are slaughtering them!” yelled Roland, gleefully. “I didn’t expect flying horses, but they’re knocking them down like…….Oh.”
“Oh dear, “ agreed Wragg, as a cloud enveloped the sleeping witch’s nipple.
“That’s not good,” commented Roland.
“Oh, please God, let them be OK!” prayed Barb.
“Amen,” agreed Roland and Wragg in unison.
They watched in silence, and then Barb said quietly, “I can hear Messaline screaming.”
The hairs stood up on the back of Wragg’s neck.
“I will tell you precisely what will happen next,” announced Barbaria. “Flying horses will lift her off that mountain and fly her to the cave.”
The two men watched aghast as flying horses lifted Messaline, on her cross, high into the air over the mountain. “How did you…” began Wragg.
“How did I know? Because that is exactly what happened to me. And let me assure you, it scared the shit out of me.”
“Poor Messaline…..” Wragg looked stunned.
“We have a problem.” Roland was the one proactively considering the situation. “It’ll take them, what, ten minutes to get back to the cave. Within five minutes they’ll find you gone. With flying horses I’d say they’ll find us within another ten minutes. Max 15. So, unless we do something, you and I, Sir Rupert, have approximately half an hour left to live, and you, my lady, will be back on your cross within the hour.”
“Where’s Repertor when you need him?” grumbled Wragg.
Roland waved at the mountain. “I’d say he was busy. Let’s at least head for those trees, not that it would need much brains to figure out we might be there, but it could win us a few more precious minutes!”
Barbaria screamed. “What the hell is THAT?”
“That I can be confident about.” Wragg saw a ray of hope. “That is a dragon, and his name is Freddie. Fear not, he’s quite friendly when you get to know him.”
“No.” Roland contradicted. “It’s not Freddie. It’s greyer than Freddie, maybe slightly larger. Maybe slightly less friendly, too. I think we really are in the soup now.”
“If it isn’t friendly,” asked Barb, “why is there a woman sitting on it?”
Wragg squinted. “Good God in Heaven above! Thessela! Am I ever glad to see you!”
“Hi Wragg!” called Thessela. “Meet Sophie! Isn’t she just SO cute?”
“Ye Gods!” said Roland, watching events unfold. “They’ve got flying horses!”
Wragg and Barb followed his pointing finger. “What’s happening?” Barb had spent hundreds of years in a cave, sunlight was still painful.
“There’s some kind of firefight going on, YES!!!!” Wragg raised his fist in triumph as a horse tumbled from the sky.
“Oh, look! They are slaughtering them!” yelled Roland, gleefully. “I didn’t expect flying horses, but they’re knocking them down like…….Oh.”
“Oh dear, “ agreed Wragg, as a cloud enveloped the sleeping witch’s nipple.
“That’s not good,” commented Roland.
“Oh, please God, let them be OK!” prayed Barb.
“Amen,” agreed Roland and Wragg in unison.
They watched in silence, and then Barb said quietly, “I can hear Messaline screaming.”
The hairs stood up on the back of Wragg’s neck.
“I will tell you precisely what will happen next,” announced Barbaria. “Flying horses will lift her off that mountain and fly her to the cave.”
The two men watched aghast as flying horses lifted Messaline, on her cross, high into the air over the mountain. “How did you…” began Wragg.
“How did I know? Because that is exactly what happened to me. And let me assure you, it scared the shit out of me.”
“Poor Messaline…..” Wragg looked stunned.
“We have a problem.” Roland was the one proactively considering the situation. “It’ll take them, what, ten minutes to get back to the cave. Within five minutes they’ll find you gone. With flying horses I’d say they’ll find us within another ten minutes. Max 15. So, unless we do something, you and I, Sir Rupert, have approximately half an hour left to live, and you, my lady, will be back on your cross within the hour.”
“Where’s Repertor when you need him?” grumbled Wragg.
Roland waved at the mountain. “I’d say he was busy. Let’s at least head for those trees, not that it would need much brains to figure out we might be there, but it could win us a few more precious minutes!”
Barbaria screamed. “What the hell is THAT?”
“That I can be confident about.” Wragg saw a ray of hope. “That is a dragon, and his name is Freddie. Fear not, he’s quite friendly when you get to know him.”
“No.” Roland contradicted. “It’s not Freddie. It’s greyer than Freddie, maybe slightly larger. Maybe slightly less friendly, too. I think we really are in the soup now.”
“If it isn’t friendly,” asked Barb, “why is there a woman sitting on it?”
Wragg squinted. “Good God in Heaven above! Thessela! Am I ever glad to see you!”
“Hi Wragg!” called Thessela. “Meet Sophie! Isn’t she just SO cute?”
messaline
Crucified Amazon
I'm starting to wonder if I did well to leave my pretty cottage .....
Oooooops !
I'm starting to wonder if I did well to leave my pretty cottage .....
Hum, perhaps a suggestion ? Perhaps could I try to say "NUTS" to Kibonreju ? No ?
Oooooops !View attachment 319361
Now that might not be such a good idea....
RacingRodent
Consul
As long as he does not get the laser beams
Oh crikey
malins
Stumbling Seeker
People sometimes say I'm too pessimistic, spend too much time worrying about what might go wrong and so forth. Well I don't want to hear any of that, because look at what happened!
My fate seems sealed, cross and fire,
although His Rodency seems to confuse me with another witch! Let's leave her out of this, we might all regret it!
For once I'm glad to hear that phrase from your mouth Thess
Our last hope!
Hey! I wrapped that cloak around your shoulders!
Honestly, the trouble I have keeping clothes on Barbaria!
