Sir Henry, In a previous post you wrote this about Madeleine "Hell, some women are so beautiful and have such fascinating charisma" that you would rather wine and dine them than whip or punish them. This is what inspired my comment about ugly women. It seem obvious that a young nubile woman such as Madeleine who is more mature than 16 , not particularly petite or weak would be more sexually arousing than say an older woman and thus would still cause you to feel pity (or is it really that you would rather have sex with them that chastise them). That is understandable and I appreciate that a comely beautiful woman would probably receive less harsh treatment than an older less attractive women would.
In a hypothetical situation where you have two naked women before you to be whipped consentually. One is the lovely Madeleine and the other is a much older fat and flabby grey haired woman. Would you whip them with equal force? Would you be able to suppress sexual lust for Madeleine enough so that the whip strokes were less forceful. I find it difficult to believe that sexual desire would not influence how mildly or forcefully a man would whip a woman so a man who would be able to suppress that urge do that is a unicorn to my thinking.
All of the so called "Masters" I have met online who spout the BDSM dogma about "tops" and "bottoms" and "D/s" relationships have been after one thing and that is to arouse themselves by hurting a woman and once aroused using her body to satisfy his lust with no feelings for the woman. If I am to belive you Sir you are a rare exception and possibly only the man that I have ever met who truly knows how to properly treat a submissive woman so that she feels that the man truly appreciates her.
Oh, that's a lot of points at once, but I'll try to answer.
Okay, firstly: I owe my good manners and respect for other people, especially for women and older people, to two educated parents and a very good upbringing. Secondly, as far as my way of practising BDSM is concerned, I have already mentioned that I was very fortunate to receive training in Dom from extremely reputable people from the upper and wealthy classes in Frankfurt/Main, in what was then known as the ‘Frankfurt Circle’. This was (and is) based on the greatest respect for the woman/sub. The ethical and moral demands placed on the members corresponded to this social class.
(Incidentally, since I didn't belong to this high class (all wealthy people such as bankers, stockbrokers, board members, businesswomen...), I would certainly not have been accepted there at the time (even more so back then as a solo man) if they hadn't been interested in integrating "White Eroticism" into their circle of around 25 to 30 couples. I had originally only been hired because of my gynaecological clinic work, to demonstrate various things [such as catheterisation, cervical pampering, birth play, intimate piercing and so on] of this medical fetish on voluntary "living objects" and to teach it to the gentlemen all this to integrate into BDSM sessions.
That's how I got into this exclusive circle and I was then also provided with Subs until I brought my own sub after two years).
I learnt harmonious BDSM from the ground up and practise it in a way that is unfortunately alien to most BDSMers, which on the one hand earns me the mistrust of many men, but on the other hand completely delights my female play partners. Just one example: the fact that I always bow down to the lady after every session, hand her a white rose and kiss her hand makes the men laugh derisively (and often make stupid comments) in groups in which I appear for the first time. But it gives me great satisfaction when the men's stupid laughter freezes on their faces when they see the ladies' thanks and appreciation! And lo and behold, many doms are meanwhile imitating me!
And yes: I often hear and read that I am one of the few exceptions. I don't feel like anything better, but I'm proud of
my way of practising BDSM, of training novices (although the time of training young novices is probably gradually coming to an end for me) and of
the way I treat my subs.
On the sexual aspect: Yes, of course every session excites me sexually (where else would be the attraction?), but I repeat that I put my own sexual emotions and desires second, because first and foremost for me as a Dom the fulfilment of my sub is the priority. And that includes mental fulfilment, because I want her to feel fully confirmed in her submissive role and I want her to feel comfortable. As well as the physical fulfilment of my sub - which doesn't necessarily mean "fucking her"! On the contrary: there are certain sessions, especially during "Slave Presentations" in clubs or private parties, during which Sir Henry's trousers remain closed.
To answer your question: If there are two naked women in front of me that I am supposed to whip, one the pretty Madeleine and the other (your quote
"a much older fat and flabby grey haired woman". Would I whip them both equally?
I bet you're expecting a "no" from me.
And indeed: I say no.
But you'll probably be surprised at my reasoning, because it has absolutely nothing to do with their appearance or age: firstly, I know women over 50, 60, 70 for whom I would leave some 18 or 20-year-old teenager girls behind...
Secondly, a sub's figure doesn't matter at all in BDSM; I really have had 130kg women, as well as slim, delicate bunnies. For me, a woman is a woman. And as a temporary sub, every woman is attractive. I don't judge other doms if they don't understand this or see it differently - I pity them! And their subs.
And thirdly, I don't lead, train, punish and chastise according to a standardised blanket scheme (like so many men treat their bottoms!) because every woman is different, because every woman is an individual. This requires a lot of sensitivity and sensibility.
The way I deal with her is personalised and depends on crucial, detailed preliminary talks (unless she and I have played before and are a good team) and I also deal with each sub individually and tailored to her.
So a clear "no" to your question regarding similar treatment.
Years ago I gave up trying to understand why so many men treat their subs so strangely (for example, according to the motto "tie them up, beat them, fuck them!" - and then wonder why the women don't like it or why they don't see their submissive tendencies confirmed in BDSM). That's a shame, but it's not my business and not that of my subs.
I bet there are a lot of misogynists / sexually repressed men / poor sausages who are under the slipper at home with their mother / men who have been spanked too often by their mums / former schoolboys who hated their female teachers and so on among all the would-be-doms.... would certainly be an interesting field of research for psychoanalysts...
But I don't teach or criticise anyone in person and I do NOT see myself as the ‘teacher of the nation’. Because I have also had to learn that my way of dealing with subs, my anatomical and medical knowledge, my experiences etc. not only generates recognition (as with the ladies), but also envy and resentment (on the part of many men).
I don't feel like discussing this difficult topic in public as a ‘lone wolf’ and have perhaps already said far too much...
I answer many messages from interested ladies and couples and there have been some very nice personal contacts also here in CF (although I am not actively searching!), but I don't want to go into this difficult subject publicly here in CF.
As I said, to each his own. And I don't want to be a "BDSM or morality teacher".
That's why I ask you, dear Laura, that we return to our friendly private exchange via PM and personal emails, which we've been having for weeks.
