Sermon 5/Sermon 6
Pastor Chuck, Steve and Madeleine are sitting in the church, when the door opens and John Houston enters.
'We discuss the actual numbers....', explains Chuck, 'they are:
Nudity 76.3 %
Flogging 75.0 %
Bonding, wearing patibulum 61.3 %
Nails 61.3 %
Female Christ 57.5 %
Cornu 35.0 %
Mocking 28.8 %
Anal rape 27.5 %'
'Oh my', Steve states, 'we should open a strip club, churches are out.'
'I do not know, what is more out', replies Chuck, 'at least the strip clubs are something of 19th and 20th century, then internet was invented.'
'Despite that, nudity seems still to be important and we have this as the main theme of this meeting, but we wait till the other brothers and sisters arrive', means John, 'I will be lead this one as pastor Chuck suggested. Let us wait for the missing members.'
After a few minutes, Kathleen Walker came and excuses her 2 daughters and then Walter Hofmann arrives with his two sons, Evan and Walter Jr. Walter is a sporty looking man, his 20 year old son Evan has big glasses, blond hair and a nerdy look. He stars at Kathleen. Walter Jr is 25 and has the wishful son in low appearance many older ladies wish for her daughter. Evan now realizes his staring and tries unsuccessfully to look somewhere else.
'Ladies and Gentlemen, I declare the church meeting as open', starts pathetically John Houston,' we have to address the last sermon and the next 2, because next Tuesday we can not have the meeting, due to a hospital stay of pastor Chuck.'
'The first item of the agenda is the flashing of Kathleen, the discussion is free', starts John.
'Actually Kathleen', begins Walter Hofmann, 'we were surprised to say at least. Why did you...?'
Kathleen smiles: 'Yes, that question I expected. There are two, probably three reasons. No four!'
'We listen', says Madeleine.
'First of all, I wanted to get an impression and I think with exposing the breast in our church, I really put a landmark. We are here not in a catholic church and I have the feeling that using a loincloth is a blasphemous idea not showing Christ in his suffering glory and secondly I want to give my two daughters a lesson. The lesson we are in the 21th century and these young bastards are not allowed to bring society back to the victorian age. Thirdly I think most females are very exhibitionistic, just look how they walk around and fourth I believe to have a very nice breast, you may have seen that', Kathleen smiles.
'Older females have sometimes breast who keep an apple like shape also beyond 70, sometimes the fall a little, but also this is considered as beautiful, a matter of taste, you are the “apple”-type', explains John. Kathleen smiles at him.
'Now, I know, which books you read before the sermon', jokes Steve.
'No, that I got from the internet, you would found, when not looking at the gay porn pages, as you always do', means John.
'Boys!', calls out Chuck, 'I ask again Kathleen. It did not posed a problem for you to show all of us your breast?' Kathleen nodes. 'How about your daughters?'
Kathleen explains: 'My younger daughter Hannah, although already married didn't wanted to show her breast. But when her husband told her how proud he is of her she changed her opinion. The older Frances was already for it, as you remember.'
'How old are they?', asks Steve. '25 and 28', answers Kathleen.
'Okay, we do it the following way', starts Chuck, 'the next sermon has the continuation of the female Jesus theme. Since obviously the church and the Walkers have no problem with the semi nude display, it is done as said: Breast and loincloth. Agreed Kathleen?'
'Agreed', answers Kathleen.
'Next point is the sermon in two weeks', says John, 'it will be about the good and the bad thief. I have the following idea and already discussed with Walter Hofman and his sons. Walter will play modestly dressed Jesus and his sons will be in revealing loincloth and we will use red, green and white spots to visualize Luke 23,43 (And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, To day shalt thou be with me in paradise.)'
'Sounds spectacular' applauds Madeleine.
'My brother and me could be nude and dad uses loincloth', suggest Evan.
'Great idea', smiles Walter Jr.
'yes, I definitively like to see that', states Kathleen.
'Seems it becomes standard', wonders Chuck, John and Steve nod, 'do you not have problems with that? Just wondering.'
'It is less a problem than being nude in the gym shower', explains Walter jr., 'there we have nude males centimeters away from your genitals. On the stage the others are meters away and there are males and females so a completely different situation. That they are dressed is even better, since then it is even less a sexual situation, which you are in in a shower, also as heterosexual male.'
'I did not think that way, so I will also be nude on the cross. I am looking forward to it', states Walter sen.
'No, you do not', means John, 'you would destroy my artistically concept.'
'But I do not know how to knot such a thing', tries Walter sen. again.
'I will show it before the sermon and you can have mine after cleaning', suggest Kathleen.
'In that case', surrenders Walter sen.
'Good, how my church members always help each other', closes Chuck, 'then all points were treated John?'
'I close this meeting and thank Chuck for hosting and his sarcasm', closes John the meeting.
