Just focus on the hair and nails to start with, Em - oh, you're already doing that. Fine, carry on.
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Crisis at Cruxton Abbey
- Thread starter Barbaria1
- Start date
mp5stab
Hair and Nails
I figured your interest would be the nails, but with a preference for iron over acrylicJust focus on the hair and nails to start with, Em - oh, you're already doing that. Fine, carry on.
8.
“Good Morning, your Lord and Ladyship. I trust you slept well. Should I have Barb set the breakfast sideboard and serve morning tea?”
“Thank you, Briggs. That would be lovely.”
“Of course, m,Lady. Right away! … Barb! … Barb! Um … sorry … she was here a moment ago … excuse me while I go find out where the Devil she’s gotten herself off to.”
“Well, Wraggie, while Briggs is off in search of our as usual wayward Barb, suppose you bring me up to date on progress towards our big money-making event.”
“Yes, of course. Well, the first thing to say is that I believe everyone has arrived or is about to arrive. Once all the principals are here, the planning and preparations can now begin in earnest. Our artistic directors, @bobinder and @mp5stab , arrived early this morning and are already busy setting up shop.”
“Good! Bob we know well already, of course, and I’m very keen on getting to know Emily. Presentation is going to be so very important to the appeal and success of our venture.”
“She brings a lot to the project, not only artistically, but technically as well. Indeed, she told me this morning that she has developed a prototype for a ‘sterile thin nail polished to a mirror shine’ that would actually allow us, during the part of the program featuring crux re-enactments, to safely nail our “condemned” girls to their crosses!”
“My word! Imagine that!”
“Emily is also a hair stylist extraordinaire, handles a whip as though she was born to it, and likely to be a delight to @Darkprincess69 and some of the other staff girls who might enjoy a little sapphic fun, or even put such antics on display for our paying customers.”
“Sounds very promising! What else?”
“Well, we’ve heard from @Fossy , who says he will be arriving this afternoon to begin work on our promotional campaign. He’ll be coordinating on that with Bobinder to produce advertising imagery that ought to draw in paying customers like bees to honey. And @twonines and @Davec5299 are due in around the same time, and are expected to get to work right away on spinning out dueling limericks set to each event in the program. Later this evening we can expect to be joined by @Loxuru , @wulf , @Harsh Martinet and @Madiosi .”
“It really is all coming together then, isn’t it Wraggie!”
“Indeed, so it seems, although there’s much to be done. In this morning’s post we’ve received scads of early reservation requests from paying customers wishing to attend the show as well as enquiries from CruxForumers hoping to actually take part.”
“Ahem … if I may?”
“Oh, do come in, Briggs. Were you able to locate our Barbara?”
“I was m’Lady, but I’m afraid she’s indisposed, and morning breakfast tea shall be served instead by one of the other girls.”
“Indisposed? Whatever do you mean. Don’t tell me she’s been cornered again by those two bumpkins, Bull and Gunner?”
“No, m’Lady. It seems Ms Emily came along and swooped our Barbara off to the cellar chambers for a hair styling session … where they were soon joined by Darkprincess, @messaline and Judith … all of whom had somehow come under the influence of Joan Tree’s horny potion ..: I suspect the Riesling they’d opened had been spiked with the same … and … well … what can I say … you have to see what’s going on down there to believe it!”
“Mmmmm … perhaps we should consider getting them all to do it again as an act in the show?”
“Capital idea, my dear! Sometimes you surprise me.”
“And myself.”
TBC
“Good Morning, your Lord and Ladyship. I trust you slept well. Should I have Barb set the breakfast sideboard and serve morning tea?”
“Thank you, Briggs. That would be lovely.”
“Of course, m,Lady. Right away! … Barb! … Barb! Um … sorry … she was here a moment ago … excuse me while I go find out where the Devil she’s gotten herself off to.”
“Well, Wraggie, while Briggs is off in search of our as usual wayward Barb, suppose you bring me up to date on progress towards our big money-making event.”
“Yes, of course. Well, the first thing to say is that I believe everyone has arrived or is about to arrive. Once all the principals are here, the planning and preparations can now begin in earnest. Our artistic directors, @bobinder and @mp5stab , arrived early this morning and are already busy setting up shop.”
“Good! Bob we know well already, of course, and I’m very keen on getting to know Emily. Presentation is going to be so very important to the appeal and success of our venture.”
“She brings a lot to the project, not only artistically, but technically as well. Indeed, she told me this morning that she has developed a prototype for a ‘sterile thin nail polished to a mirror shine’ that would actually allow us, during the part of the program featuring crux re-enactments, to safely nail our “condemned” girls to their crosses!”
“My word! Imagine that!”
“Emily is also a hair stylist extraordinaire, handles a whip as though she was born to it, and likely to be a delight to @Darkprincess69 and some of the other staff girls who might enjoy a little sapphic fun, or even put such antics on display for our paying customers.”
“Sounds very promising! What else?”
“Well, we’ve heard from @Fossy , who says he will be arriving this afternoon to begin work on our promotional campaign. He’ll be coordinating on that with Bobinder to produce advertising imagery that ought to draw in paying customers like bees to honey. And @twonines and @Davec5299 are due in around the same time, and are expected to get to work right away on spinning out dueling limericks set to each event in the program. Later this evening we can expect to be joined by @Loxuru , @wulf , @Harsh Martinet and @Madiosi .”
“It really is all coming together then, isn’t it Wraggie!”
“Indeed, so it seems, although there’s much to be done. In this morning’s post we’ve received scads of early reservation requests from paying customers wishing to attend the show as well as enquiries from CruxForumers hoping to actually take part.”
“Ahem … if I may?”
“Oh, do come in, Briggs. Were you able to locate our Barbara?”
“I was m’Lady, but I’m afraid she’s indisposed, and morning breakfast tea shall be served instead by one of the other girls.”
“Indisposed? Whatever do you mean. Don’t tell me she’s been cornered again by those two bumpkins, Bull and Gunner?”
“No, m’Lady. It seems Ms Emily came along and swooped our Barbara off to the cellar chambers for a hair styling session … where they were soon joined by Darkprincess, @messaline and Judith … all of whom had somehow come under the influence of Joan Tree’s horny potion ..: I suspect the Riesling they’d opened had been spiked with the same … and … well … what can I say … you have to see what’s going on down there to believe it!”
“Mmmmm … perhaps we should consider getting them all to do it again as an act in the show?”
“Capital idea, my dear! Sometimes you surprise me.”
“And myself.”
TBC
Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
Barb has suddenly gone missing! Nothing particular! The daily routine in Cruxton Abbey!
Fossy
SEXPIOGENTUS
"Well if the scaffolding's not stable enough yet then we need to find an alternative, I expressed myself in no uncertain terms to Lord Wragg, who seemed more than a little flabbergasted by my assertive approach.
"And yes of course I need Barb. We can't very well do promotional shots of her being stripped naked, humiliated and then nailed to the cross, without showing the victim in the promos now can we?"
"But we can't actually crucify her just for the trailer?" His Lordship reminded me.
"Of course we can. How else do you expect people to buy into those spectacle. I mean do you expect plastic nails and fake blood. No, of course you don't. So find me a tree, a hammer, nails and Barb Moore and let's get this campaign up and running!"
"And yes of course I need Barb. We can't very well do promotional shots of her being stripped naked, humiliated and then nailed to the cross, without showing the victim in the promos now can we?"
"But we can't actually crucify her just for the trailer?" His Lordship reminded me.
"Of course we can. How else do you expect people to buy into those spectacle. I mean do you expect plastic nails and fake blood. No, of course you don't. So find me a tree, a hammer, nails and Barb Moore and let's get this campaign up and running!"
Yes, we must publicise the best that Cruxton has to offer. We must entertain the guests, and assault their senses with the traditional Highland Tambourine Dance!
And you'll be wanting me to make sure that everyone stays alive, will you, for some reasonable bandwidth of "alive", or "not permanently dead"? I really should up my fee.
Ypu made that up, right?
Left to right: Alice, Barb, Eul?
Lily is on the right. This particular dance is called, 'The Highland Charleston'.
“No, m’Lady. It seems Ms Emily came along and swooped our Barbara off to the cellar chambers for a hair styling session … where they were soon joined by Darkprincess, @messaline and Judith … all of whom had somehow come under the influence of Joan Tree’s horny potion ..: I suspect the Riesling they’d opened had been spiked with the same … and … well … what can I say … you have to see what’s going on down there to believe it!”
9.
“Yes, what is it now, Briggs? Didn’t I tell you I wished to be undisturbed for the remainder of the afternoon?”
“You did, m’Lord.”
“Can’t it wait? As you can plainly see, I’m quite engaged at the moment reprimanding Barbara for getting drunk and cavorting shamelessly in the cellar this morning with DP, the two Frenchies, and Emily rather than waiting breakfast on Lady Wragg and myself!”
“If binding her spreadeagled and bare naked on a fourposter, and paddling her tight little arse with your bare hand is a form of ‘reprimanding’ then I will, of course, add that information to the repertoire of ‘reprimands’ of which I am already aware. But the disturbance I have brought to you is a justifiable one, of that I can assure you,” sniffed Briggs with nose in the air and the haughtiness in tone he employed when dismissing something he’s been told as nothing more than an irrelevant annoyance.
“Alright, Briggs. Tell me what this is all about.”
“It’s about the local Council building permit for the upcoming ‘event’ our ‘designated’ builder, Mr Tree, has submitted on our behalf. It seems there are a few irregularities and a Mr. Dudley Buildwright from the Council Building Authority has come here to see you about them. I’ve asked him to kindly wait in the drawing room whilst I sought you out, and have instructed our @Eulalia to see to it that he is comfortable and well entertained.”
“Eulalia? Not Barb, thank goodness! Right then. I’m on my way.”
“Hey! … wait! You’re not going to go off and leave me here like this!” Moaned Barbara, twisting herself about on the fourposter and raising her head.
“I don’t know why not?”
******************
“Good afternoon, Mr Buildwright. Terribly sorry to have kept you waiting like this.”
“Oh, no inconvenience at all, Lord Wragg. Your lovely Eulalia, here, has kept me quite entertained. She’s really quite knowledgeable and I’ve learned some fascinating things from her.”
“Uh oh. Nothing too embarrassing, I hope,”
No, not at all. Did you know, for example, that the Ancient Greeks had building codes, and even provisions for building inspections?”
“You don’t say …”
“Yes, and I’ve learnt from her that the earliest known written building code may be found in the Code of Hammurabi, which dates from the 18th century BC! Remarkable!”
“Quite! Now do tell me, Mr Buildwright, what brings you here? I gathered from Briggs that there’s an issue with our building permit proposal? Is it that our builder, Mr Tree, is an American visitor? Does he need a license of some sort to build here?”
“No, that’s not a problem. The UK is somewhat unique in that it does not require builders to be residents in order to take on contracts and perform professional work. Any person can potentially work as a builder, as long as someone is willing to hire them.”
“I see. Then what is the problem.”
“Well, it’s just that the proposal is of such an unusual nature. We simply lack building codes that might apply to expanding an existing medieval dungeon, much less constructing an outdoor scaffold and gibbet, or mounting heavy timber crosses in a rose garden. You see our dilemma?”
“Quite. Well tell me then, Mr Buildwright, what might I do to make things right, if you catch my drift?”
“Yes, well … since this is Terra incognito, I suppose as building inspector, I have considerable latitude in the matter. From what I gather from the building plans, the event for which these building plans are in preparation for is something that might excite some long suppressed personal interests of mine.”
“Say, no more, Mr Buildwright. Would a free admission to the event … uh … grease the skids?”
“I believe that it would, Lord Wragg.”
“Excellent. That can be arranged.”
“One more thing!”
“What?”
“Well .. in speaking with one of the bank directors in Cruxton just the other day, I was shown some extraordinary photos he had in his possession .. photos … quite provocative photos, I dare say … of a girl here in service at Cruxton Abbey.’
“That would be our Barbara.”
“Yes, so I was told. Now, if you’re interested, I believe an expedited approval of your building permit might certainly be possible should a certain exclusive session with your Barbara … properly restrained and undressed mind you … in the newly completed dungeon expansion, be discretely arranged?”
TBC
“Yes, what is it now, Briggs? Didn’t I tell you I wished to be undisturbed for the remainder of the afternoon?”
“You did, m’Lord.”
“Can’t it wait? As you can plainly see, I’m quite engaged at the moment reprimanding Barbara for getting drunk and cavorting shamelessly in the cellar this morning with DP, the two Frenchies, and Emily rather than waiting breakfast on Lady Wragg and myself!”
“If binding her spreadeagled and bare naked on a fourposter, and paddling her tight little arse with your bare hand is a form of ‘reprimanding’ then I will, of course, add that information to the repertoire of ‘reprimands’ of which I am already aware. But the disturbance I have brought to you is a justifiable one, of that I can assure you,” sniffed Briggs with nose in the air and the haughtiness in tone he employed when dismissing something he’s been told as nothing more than an irrelevant annoyance.
“Alright, Briggs. Tell me what this is all about.”
“It’s about the local Council building permit for the upcoming ‘event’ our ‘designated’ builder, Mr Tree, has submitted on our behalf. It seems there are a few irregularities and a Mr. Dudley Buildwright from the Council Building Authority has come here to see you about them. I’ve asked him to kindly wait in the drawing room whilst I sought you out, and have instructed our @Eulalia to see to it that he is comfortable and well entertained.”
“Eulalia? Not Barb, thank goodness! Right then. I’m on my way.”
“Hey! … wait! You’re not going to go off and leave me here like this!” Moaned Barbara, twisting herself about on the fourposter and raising her head.
“I don’t know why not?”
******************
“Good afternoon, Mr Buildwright. Terribly sorry to have kept you waiting like this.”
“Oh, no inconvenience at all, Lord Wragg. Your lovely Eulalia, here, has kept me quite entertained. She’s really quite knowledgeable and I’ve learned some fascinating things from her.”
“Uh oh. Nothing too embarrassing, I hope,”
No, not at all. Did you know, for example, that the Ancient Greeks had building codes, and even provisions for building inspections?”
“You don’t say …”
“Yes, and I’ve learnt from her that the earliest known written building code may be found in the Code of Hammurabi, which dates from the 18th century BC! Remarkable!”
“Quite! Now do tell me, Mr Buildwright, what brings you here? I gathered from Briggs that there’s an issue with our building permit proposal? Is it that our builder, Mr Tree, is an American visitor? Does he need a license of some sort to build here?”
“No, that’s not a problem. The UK is somewhat unique in that it does not require builders to be residents in order to take on contracts and perform professional work. Any person can potentially work as a builder, as long as someone is willing to hire them.”
“I see. Then what is the problem.”
“Well, it’s just that the proposal is of such an unusual nature. We simply lack building codes that might apply to expanding an existing medieval dungeon, much less constructing an outdoor scaffold and gibbet, or mounting heavy timber crosses in a rose garden. You see our dilemma?”
“Quite. Well tell me then, Mr Buildwright, what might I do to make things right, if you catch my drift?”
“Yes, well … since this is Terra incognito, I suppose as building inspector, I have considerable latitude in the matter. From what I gather from the building plans, the event for which these building plans are in preparation for is something that might excite some long suppressed personal interests of mine.”
“Say, no more, Mr Buildwright. Would a free admission to the event … uh … grease the skids?”
“I believe that it would, Lord Wragg.”
“Excellent. That can be arranged.”
“One more thing!”
“What?”
“Well .. in speaking with one of the bank directors in Cruxton just the other day, I was shown some extraordinary photos he had in his possession .. photos … quite provocative photos, I dare say … of a girl here in service at Cruxton Abbey.’
“That would be our Barbara.”
“Yes, so I was told. Now, if you’re interested, I believe an expedited approval of your building permit might certainly be possible should a certain exclusive session with your Barbara … properly restrained and undressed mind you … in the newly completed dungeon expansion, be discretely arranged?”
TBC
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Mikerytel
Senator
Great paragraphs, I believe if you did erotic books you’d be a good one
I don't know. Briggs better be worth his weight in gold, to take this sort of attitude. He may be head butler, but is this really the way to address a peer of the realm, however infamous? A bit of the old supportive feudal spirit would be the thing.
Well, that could mean almost anything from tea to having him tie her to a sofa...
Oh, right. Eul is always the soul of diplomacy and tact, and with encylopaedic knowledge to boot. She put her finger on the pulse (however erratic) of our building inspector (who seems to have only narrowly escaped chartered accountancy as a vocation).
The way we're giving admissions away, it will be a wonder if we make expenses. So far we've got quite a few new people in residence, and on the payroll. I suppose this is offset by the savings in potential building license and legal fees.
thecuriousone
Governor
Often I don't have the patience to read long stories, but this is an excemption.
Oh, right. Eul is always the soul of diplomacy and tact, and with encylopaedic knowledge to boot. She put her finger on the pulse (however erratic) of our building inspector (who seems to have only narrowly escaped chartered accountancy as a vocation).
Funny cute!
A valid point that has crossed my mind too
messaline
Crucified Amazon
Fossy
SEXPIOGENTUS
"Quick," I said to the handy Cam guy next to me, "... get in there and take footage of her writhing and squirming, We'll get it on Amazon Prime for the advert slots during episodes of the Walking Dead."
